Posted by Pluto on May 18, 2008, at 13:06:25
In reply to Re: Pluto Are You There??????, posted by Phillipa on May 18, 2008, at 11:57:59
> Pluto are you there? If so please answer so worried about you. Phillipa
So many people, phillipa my mom too worried. I don't get this really friends. I am vegetated now, you can't get a coherent reply from me. I checked my stock and gladly found klonopin 2 mg is more there. I took four tabs today, one Ativan 2mg one Xanax 1mg and provigil too. I am half awake while typig. Rigght now my friend came offered me 500 dollars as help, but I refused. I can't pay him back.How do you think you guys can help me? Money? that nevver bothered me. I am on the way to secure my kids life. Loan seems difficult but not impossible. After that, please understand my location and situation. This is a part where one is not going to get any help but will end up in sanatorium for thinking of suicide. At least I am not in Sanatorium so I can do something. I checked many websites. Damn... some offer good ideas but administrator thwarts them from going on. I am not educated. All I acquired is through reading and studying myself. NO certificates to provve I am qualified to do anything. Or else I would have been there in your civilized world where human beings are recognized as human beings.
See friends, I am 35 now. lived my life so far in abject poverty only to raise a family. I am partially successful to get them a house and a small means of living, but within this struggle I lost what I wished most. what is lost is lost. I need a new affair but I am a prisoner. Either I have to live a prisoner of life or I can end this penurious life. which should I prefer? Of course latter. Getting into an affair can wipe out all those meds for sure, because the root of my depression is there. but then what about my wife? kids? who will raise them up? It gets complicated.
Let the klonopin work better, I will write again. What solution you guys offer to this man? I wasn't born depressed, but I acquired it. None loved me in my life. Even my mom who could only scold me whenever she got a chance. NOt her fault, because she was abused by my highly dominant father. I suffered huge traumma after finishing schools. I was a very brilliant student, but father was working for pittance and both couldn't offer anything to go for higher studies. Something broken inside me at that time. I was very much fond of studies. Instead I had to work, worked 14 to 16 hours and without sleeping, I started to read books to get educated myself. This is my story. All these continue but not any more. Books are there untouched. Now in my thirties I am a filthy bastard to look for an affair when my kids are waiting for me. And you guys are sympathetic... strange is this world.
Will you care for a deranged man whose only remedy lays in jeopardizing his family to have an affair? And where is that affair? that too should be found out. All are getting mixed up. adding more confusion. I don't worth your time friends. please... I have given 13 good years to my wife, though she couldn't do it. not her fault because she was not attracted to me from the very beginning. It was a force of circumstance that led me to her, still I gave her my time and if it can be called love yes love too. This is enough. My kids will grow up and I have saved money for that. what more I can do for them?
How can I escape to a p lace where I would be cared? who will accept a layman without anything to prove at least he is educated.? NO friends. please don't waist your time over this man. I have done the mandates of fate. Now naked, alone I am about to knock the uttermost gate to get into a night where there is no tomorrow.
It is not you people kept me alive so far. It was for adjusting a loan. Application is given, and it would soon get sanctioned. Or may be rejected. Either way, I will wait for that too. Couple of days more, then I will get into that night, night without a morrow.
What you good friend will think of me once I disappear? These words of Keats?
"Thou wast not born for death immortal bird"
poster:Pluto
thread:829421
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20080510/msgs/829791.html