Posted by UgottaHaveHope on August 15, 2007, at 2:57:47
I always had prayed to write a post like this, but I never knew for sure this day would come. For 10 long years, I was absolutely ravaged by GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) and accompanying depression. There were countless days that I didn't know if I would make it through the day. I never had a suicide plan, but there were times I wish I didn't have to go through the pain and suffering.
Before NARDIL saved me, this WEBSITE saved me. I am forever indebted to all the people on here who stuck with me to offer support and encouragement, or just simply showed that they cared. It meant the world to me. Thank you.
I have been on Nardil for five months. I have lost 45 lbs. I did change my diet to eliminate most cheeses and all fast foods (fried). I feel better now at the age of 37 than I did when I was 25. God is good, and so is Nardil, and as much I doubted meds, I have to say that. I feel 1/10th of the anxiety that ravaged me for 10 years before starting Nardil.
Before explaining how I got here, I need to tell you about when I was there. It started in 1997, out of nowhere, just overwhelmed by fear.
I had never experienced anxiety or depression before. When I look back, it started with a tightness in my chest. Even though the medical tests did not show anything, I still felt it and it became all I thought about. It was the beginning of a downward spiral.
There were probably other contributing factors such as so much uncertainty in so many areas of my life. It just all smacked me in the face at once, and I did not handle it well.
I really think that every person on Earth is pre-disposed to some sort of emotional illness. Some people never trigger it, while others such as myself ignite it or invite it to come out when we do not handle the pressures of life very well. Now I am talking about GAD and depression. I cannot relate at all to those who have other illnesses such as bipolar, schiz, etc. My heart goes out to you and I cannot even begin to relate.
So life smacked me in the face, and I was overwhelmed with anxiety. The best way I knew to describe it was "walking through a haunted house, and knowing you were going to get scared, but not know when and where." The anxiety took on a life of its own within me. I was either obsessed with feeling anxiety or wondering if I was only a few seconds away from feeling anxiety. And when all you do is think about yourself, you don't think of others. So I retreated into my own world, thus began the depression. I always felt better when I forced myself to be social and do things, but I rarely felt like forcing myself to do anything.
My mom nor any of my family members could not understand. Speaking about this with them was like speaking Chinese. Thankfully, they listened, and just getting off my chest often felt better than any meds.
I went to the best pdocs money could buy, and they tried every available SSRI, which never generated any response in me, except for Prozac which made me feel like I was coming out of my skin.
About three years ago, I was in another hopeless cycle and began reading people's experiences on here with Nardil. I heard a few great things about Nardil and a lot of bad things, but I kept coming back to this one point: Nardil is one of the oldest drugs around, and it would not still be around if it didn't work. It had to be working for some people, so I needed to try it.
First I had to convince a pdoc to let me try it, which was nearly impossible. All my high-tech pdocs were SSRI-only pdocs and flat-out refused to prescribe Nardil because of the "MAOI restrictions" or simply because they never bothered to research any of the older drugs. I will stop here on that subject, which involves pdocs and pharm reps, because I don't want this post to be deleted or moved. You can figure out the rest yourself.
Fortunately, with the help of some people on this board, I was instructed to find a pdoc who was a college researcher, many of which are known as "treatment-resistant" pdocs. The guy I saw last summer is actually one of the co-founders of EMSAM.
He first tried me on EMSAM for three months. It helped me. On a scale of 1-10, I felt like a 6. I wanted an 8 or 9. To do that, I knew I would have to try to NARDIL, which scared me to death because I read so many negative experiences on here, along with a few positive. But the few positive were defiant in its effect on them, so I knew I would have to find the courage to try it. I told myself, I could also go back to EMSAM.
The first fear was "deadly" food interactions. I think you need to consult your own pdoc, but I have tried just about every food on that banned list with the exception of banana peels and fava beans, etc., and have never felt better. What I did eat, I ate in moderation, such as cheese. I know there is a first time for everything, and this could all change tomorrow, but I have yet to have any resemblance of a food interaction.
Now I did change my diet to adjust my body for Nardil. I cut out the fast foods, fried foods, red meat. I usually eat fruit for breakfast, oatmeal or grilled chicken for lunch and anything I want for dinner, just in small proportions. I worked out for years and never lost a pound. I changed my eating habits and dropped 45 in 3 months.
That's the second fear, weight gain. I honestly believe that there are people who gain a lot of weight on Nardil. I also honestly believe there are a lot of people who gain a lot of weight without taking any meds.
My "treatment-resistant" pdoc told me the "weight gain" issue was untrue. He said I should be prepared for "blackouts" in the opening weeks of trying Nardil, and he was right.
I'm not going to lie, those first 6 weeks on Nardil were tough. I had blackouts whenever I rose out of bed too quickly. Or sat up too quickly. I would stumble around, and walk out of balance. My family was very concerned.
I also had major constipation, hence the introduction of oatmeal and baked sweet potatoes to my daily diet. I also had insomnia and daytime sedation. I checked my BP all the time and it was fine.
Eventually, as the pdoc said, all the symptoms went away, even the blackouts. The daytime sedation took the longest. I started either drinking one caffeine drink or taking 1 No Doz tablet, and that helped a lot until my body finally adjusted.
I somehow willed myself through those first 6 weeks, and then I saw things that I thought I would never see. The anxiety slowly went away. Rather than thinking about it every 20 seconds, it was every 20 minutes, then every two hours.
I have always believed, right or wrong, that meds are the short term answer, and therapy is long term. But I am willing to stay on meds for the long term. Anyways, the point I am trying to make is it took me quite a while to get used to feeling normal. After 10 years of being ravaged by anxiety, it felt awkward not being ravaged. My mind had been conditioned in such a terrible way that it felt abnormal to feel normal. Does that make sense?
Anyways, as time went by, I began to feel better for longer periods of time. And each time, I gained confidence in how I felt. Now my thoughts are re-trained (your brain can do it, too!) and the normal feels normal.
My mom told me the other day that I had not mentioned anything about anxiety in a couple of months. I never noticed, I just slowly felt better. But when I thought about that, I cried. I never thought it was possible. I gave up hope so many times of ever feeling somewhat normal again.
I do not know whether or not NARDIL is the right drug for you. I do not think you will know what medicine is right for you unless you try it because THE FACT is every med affects everyone differently.
And that brings me to my final point on Nardil. I believe many of the "horror stories" about Nardil have some truth to them, but I am unsure if the entire stories of those experiences were told. In other words, some people may have taken Nardil with drugs that encouraged or caused the negative reactions.
I take Nardil (15mg) three times per day. At night, I take 25-50mg of Seroquel for sleep (down from 400mg), along with 1mg of Klonopin (down from 5mg). That combination works great for me, but in somebody else it may cause the direct opposite result. I don't know. Unfortunately, this is all trial and error. Some people may have taken Nardil with Xanax or Buspar or Tylenol PM or Adderrall or Ritalin or Lithium or the Purple Pill or migraine medicine or allergy meds or Valium or Viagra, or something that caused a negative reaction. There are just so many countless variables. Some people may have not stayed on it long enough (I sure thought about quitting many times during those first 6 weeks and it may take 16 weeks to kick in with others).
Then there are other issues, such as someone may think they have GAD when they are really bipolar II or various forms of depression, etc., and the latter has yet to be properly diagnosed and never will. Or with your natural body chemistry, Nardil or (name a med) just wasn't made to work for you.
I have been a living science experiment. I lost count at 30, including all of the SSRIs. But I kept trying new meds, hoping I would find something that worked. And I did, much to my shock and amazement. Life is good.
Nardil is my answer, but may not be your answer. You may want to consider a "treatment resistant" doc. To find one, call the largest medical college in your state. Ask for the department of pysch and then ask for a recommendation for a "treatment-resistant" doc near you. Or you might want to post the state you live in on this board with your email address (create one if you dont want anyone to know your personal email).
Thanks again to everyone on this board for all of your encouragement and support, and for being with me during all the challenging times. This post was meant 100-percent as encouragement, to share a success story. It does happen, even after 10 years of despair.
I know Nardil is most definitely not the miracle drug for many in here, but it MAY be for a few. I want to leave with you this thought:
NEVER, EVER give up hope. You may think you have tried all the drugs, like I did. But there is always a new drug coming out OR an old drug try OR a new combination of the new and old ones. Please don't ever give up hope, please. Michael
poster:UgottaHaveHope
thread:776354
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20070808/msgs/776354.html