Posted by headcheese01 on July 19, 2007, at 23:54:43
In reply to Re: VNS + Anhedonia » headcheese01, posted by Babak on July 15, 2007, at 23:33:39
>>> How do you charaterize your depression.
I am interested to know because the whole nature of my depression changed four years ago.
I am not saying that before I was full of vitality but since then I have had to redefine depression and anhedonia to myself.
I have no interest in sex, food, keeping myself clean, reading or getting out of bed, working has been totally out of question. I am bed ridden by anhedonia. I never thought human spirit can go down that far. I don't even think my health carers quite appriciated the extent of my anhedonia. My mind is gradually shutting down.
The only thing which gets me kind of better for a short while is opiates.
I have managed not to get quite "hooked" but I take heroine about once a week just to be able to do what is absolutly necessary. I call it coming up for air.
Is anyone out there who is this bad. I have no life, I just exist. If I could feel any emotions I am sure I would kill myself but I don't even feel that.<<<
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Babak,Hmm. Hard to characterize it I think. Depends on how depressed I am on a given day. When really depressed, my head feels heavy like a cinder block, and concentration is difficult. Needless to say, I don't leave the house much on days like that. In truth, I pretty much only leave the house to do what I must, although when the weather is nice, there's a beautiful park that I like to go to to walk.
As to VNS, I was implanted in late May of 2006. At the second to lowest setting, I felt better, and had more hope than I had in 5 years. Then, upon raising it to next setting, felt all that improvement vanish within 1/2 hour. I've since been up and down the settings range; not all the way to max settings, because for me, at the higher settings, it makes me feel a bit tranquilized (which is not pleasant). I have been at a couple of settings where my improvement seemed evident to others, but I increased it anyway (like a fool), because I wondered if more would be even better. Truth is, I'm still experimenting with the settings to this day. Next pdoc appt will have him lower back to 1.0
Also, I'm thinking of starting Emsam tomorrow.
All in all, I think I've felt a little benefit from VNS; but not nearly what I'd hoped for. Still, others have had great success, and you can find their stories on the website I posted in earlier post.
Oddly, even after 14 months of VNS, I still haven't given up hope on it, because there have been periods (very short) when I've felt better (but not lately, which is why I'll try Emsam tomorrow... which scares me, to tell you the truth). I've not had much success with meds. Usually get a bunch of side effects and little to no benefit. Hardly a good bargain there.
Anyway, good luck with the VNS if you go that route.
poster:headcheese01
thread:769736
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20070719/msgs/770664.html