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Re: Did I die and go to hell? Guy

Posted by deniseuk190466 on July 11, 2007, at 14:51:23

In reply to Re: Did I die and go to hell?, posted by Guy on July 10, 2007, at 15:46:47

Guy,

Thanks for responding and thanks for the reassuring words, I wish that was all it took though. The other night I was looking up Hell and whether it really exists according to the Bible because I get so worrried that I'm already there.

Yes I like you have relied on Zyprexa 10mg (now 2.5mg) now and again just to break the grip of depression/anxiety and it has been a God Send. The thing is I don't want to have to take it and also although I don't know what I'd do without it but it is very emotionally blunting when I take it initially.

I take it feel better physically and mood wise slightly but still don't really feel like I've got any real appetite for like in a real, meaningful sense. Then the Zyprexa starts to wear off, I can tell because I feel like a click in my neck then very fatigued and then it's back to feeling depressed and anxious again. So it's round and round, like I'm just about existing and functioning with the aid of Zyprexa.

I'm taking Lexapro and have been on it for months but I know it's not working as it should (because I know what they feel like when they do work and it's not like I've been feeling) which is really exhausted sometimes, I mean like I'm dragging myself around. I feel awful off meds as well so can't just blame the lexapro. But I know it's not working properly.

Over the past six years, I took:-

Seroxat (anxiety)
Mirtazapine (zombie with anxiety)
Sertraline - Slightly better but still not right.
Effexor - more relaxed but still not right.
Prozac - Nothing.
Prozac and high dose doxepin (prothiaden)
Lithium and Prozac
Lamictal - Nothing
Tegretol - Nothing
Nardil (very relaxed but also very depressed)
Then finally Seroxat 40mg (eureka!) something happened and I actually started enjoying life for two years, no anxiety, looking forward to things again, enjoying sex (like never before).
Then two years later Seroxat stops working so try adding tegretol for a bit (just more tired but less anxious), tried adding lamictal (again more tired but less anxious):-

upping the dose of Seroxat - Nothing
Adding Mirtazapine (slightly better still not right)
Coming off Seroxat and just mirtazapine on it's own - anxious and depressed still.
Came off drugs completely - Sheer hell.

Now on lexapro for three months and although sometimes I feel like it's helping my mood at the same time I feel sluggish, tired and physically wretched, like I can't breathe, my shoulders are constantly up, even though I try to relax them, I feel in a constant state of Fight or flight.

So now here I am taking Lexapro, knowing it's not working properly and relying on Zyprexa to give me a break now and again.

I'm also having CBT and although it's nice to sit there and just tell it how it is for an hour or so, while something sits there and just listens and nods without judging or making suggestions I really don't know where it is going. I haven't suddenly had a revelation or gained any real insight into myself. Last time I went I just felt more depressed really.

I don't know what to try or do next, I just don't want to keep living like this.


Guy, what are you taking now, what have you tried and what has and hasn't worked for you?


Denise



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poster:deniseuk190466 thread:768729
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20070710/msgs/768985.html