Posted by deniseuk190466 on May 28, 2007, at 12:46:39
In reply to Returning to the Universe, posted by Guy on May 21, 2007, at 13:36:36
Guy,
I often go to bed feeling utterly defeated and long just to go to sleep and not wake up but it doesn't happen does it? I sometimes wish that my heart would just stop beating, I sometimes wonder why it insists on carry on beating when I don't personally want to carry on. I wish fate would intervene and I would just die instantly without having to do it myself. The worst part is that when I am feeling really bad I feel to feeble and lack of resolve to actually take action and end it. I think about suicide a lot and I get more frustrated and anxious because I know I couldn't actually muster up the strength, resolve, decisiveness to do the actual deed. I can understand why people kill themselves but I just don't understand how, do they get to a state where they simply don't know what they are doing, do they go into a trance?
When I was well I used to be sooooooo very scared of dying, I'd worry about the silliest things and I was so cautious about what I ate, wouldn't eat beef incase I got mad cows disease. Now I couldn't care less, what will be will be. I even feel sort of invincible when it comes to dying, this time round. It's like because part of me once it, it's not likely to happen.
Denise
poster:deniseuk190466
thread:758618
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20070524/msgs/759991.html