Posted by jaynee on March 29, 2007, at 15:36:47
In reply to Who is currently in REMISSION??Questions, posted by stargazer on March 28, 2007, at 18:07:14
I really don't have a "diagnosis". I had my first bout of what I believe was clinical depression in the 3rd grade. I also had pneumonia(viral) at that time, no real family hardship, I had a pretty good childhood. So what triggered it, I don't really now. I have always been very sensitive and I was diagnosed with hemochromatosis in my 30's. So basically every time I eat, I am poisoning myself. Hemochromatosis is where you absorb to much iron. My sister has bouts of depression, but not as bad as me. She was just diagnosed with Celiac, but yet she is overweight and doesn't have the typical symptoms.
So where am I going with this, well since my first bout in the 3rd grade, I have suffered from clinical depression about every 5 to 6 years. The kind where you don't eat, sleep, etc, and I mean no sleep, basically status panicus. I had only used ativan to get through the worse, but the last bout which started about 5 years ago, I tried celexa and then lexapro. Which were okay and a life saver at the beginning, but they weren't perfect and caused a lot of underlying muscular tension. So I stayed on Lexapro for about 4 years on and off. I am currently off medication, except for some nights I use zopiclone to sleep.
I am able to be off medication because I quit my job and only work parttime (which most people can't do). Although lately I am noticing some really weird and disturbing thoughts, mostly about death, and I have noticed my body responding to those thoughts. It wouldn't be so bad if I could just let the thought pass without connecting, but I am working on it.
I know I should be on some form of medication, but I just don't know which one. I felt so apathetic and yet nervous on Lexapro. Yes it helped with the thoughts, and I wasn't always so "scarred" all the time, but the apathy and tension was too much for me. The fact that I am even back on this site, is probably an indication for me, that I am getting sick again.
I would like to find something that works on my brain like an SSRI, but without the apathy and nervous tension.
So am I in remission, I was, but I am slipping, yet once again.
poster:jaynee
thread:745050
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20070327/msgs/745210.html