Posted by llrrrpp on September 1, 2006, at 10:23:00
In reply to Re: Tomorrow Part 1, posted by jealibeanz on September 1, 2006, at 8:26:27
> I don't plan on going back to school. I can't get through it if I feel like this. Plus, I'm not sure it's what I truely want anymore.
>
> I'm hoping HE makes my life a little easier and follows up on my complaint of depression from our last appointment, and the obvious indication from how I've described the last few weeks.
>
> So, right, I'm not happier. It's not just since the Straterra experiments, I've been struggling with little ups and downs for the past year. The only things that help are exercise to some extent (but I'm just too tired to be consistent right now. Also, I've grown to hate working out, which is soo abnormal for me), and coffee to a larger extent. It's a major mood booster for me, but still I don't drink much because I'd have to drink coffee non-stop to be helped.
>
> The Effexor did help, but I hated the extreme apathy. I didn't want to take it anymore because I felt that I'd rather feel horrible than feel nothing at all. Funny, it's easy to say that at the time when you aren't feeling anything.
>
> I haven't the general feeling that I just don't like any reuptake inhibitor. While the meds I've taken are all very different (Paxil, Wellbutrin, Effexor), they all caused the apathy and weight gain which I don't want to go through again... So, I really don't think I want an SSRI.
>
> At this point I could:
>
> 1. Ask if there's been any new antidepressants released.
>
> 2. Tell him I'd heard about EMSAM in class and ask him what he thinks about it.
>
> 3. Tell him I've read about EMSAM in my texts.
>
> 4. Agree that I hate AD's (in most GP's mind, that only includes SSRI/SNRI's) and don't want one. Pretend that I'm OK with the way things are going, dropping out of school, waiting things out. Hopefully walking out with a script for a sleeping med and nothing else. This really is the most likely one because I'm feeling tired and wimpy right now.
>
> Ahh... I'm afraid I'll just get upset and cry and forget everything. The intelligent and informed part of me could get a lot out of this appointment tomorrow. The emotional part just might breakdown and be helpless.
>(((((Jealibeanz)))))
It's okay to break down and be helpless. Sometimes we need to just let it out, and have a witness. Sometimes it's okay to say- I need help. I'm a mess. Don't be scared to be honest with your feelings. You sound like you have depression, and it's time to find something that will give you some relief. If you had a broken leg and went to a doctor and pretended to walk on it like it was just fine- well, you'd be nuts! If you have depression, it's okay to let the symptoms show. That's the best way to treat you. And if you have a policy of trying to be too good, and too strong, (like me) then you may find yourself in a bad place. Emotions are there for a reason. Feel them. Let them run their course. It's okay. Really. Even when it's embarrassing. Your doctor sounds so kind. He will take care of you, and if you cry in the office, maybe it will help you cope better in the outside world.Good luck Jeali!
How about seroquel? My pdoc uses it to help me with the insomnia. It took a week of experimenting with the doses. I know that it I have to be super functional at 8 am to take 12.5 mg. If I'm in need of sound sleep for 9 hours, i take 50 mg, and for most nights I take 25 mg to help me sleep from 11pm-7am, with some yawning and stuff before the day begins.
In addition to being a sedative, seroquel is a mood stabilizer, and I believe that it has subtle AD and anxiolytic effects too. My most profound observation is that the bad thoughts that woke me up nightly at 3am have totally stopped. even if I wake up by accident at 3am (stupid car alarms), i feel tired and sleepy, not panicked and anxious.
Best of luck Jealibeanz (((((hugs)))))
-ll
poster:llrrrpp
thread:681286
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20060901/msgs/682018.html