Posted by Rani on August 14, 2006, at 23:40:58
I have been seeing a psychologist on/off for approx 6 years whom I have utter faith in. I have had major depression in the past post divorce/treatment for bulimia (now resolved) Was doing well since 2000 until Oct 05 when panic disorder/anxiety recurred (had it when I was 15 and again when 25). I have been managing this well with my local family doctor, Cog Beh Therapy and Luvox (the odd xanax). Initially my Luvox dose made me feel agitated and like I couldnt stop talking and wiggling and moving. (mind going flat out/twitching) The dose was cut down and this resolved.
I was initially taking Zolpidem to help sleep when I was very anxious and panicking but then stopped, was sleeping fine, was doing ok for months.
About 2 months ago I noticed I was having crippling feelings of physical sadness that would make me groan and end up crying all day and escaping by sleeping, feeling like I couldnt think straight, boggy mind.
The worst part was that during this time I was also having period of elation where I felt so high that it also felt desperate. Like so happy I was crying. It has been a real physical feeling for me. During these times I would wake up in the night repeatedly - sometimes take a while to fall asleep but couldnt stay asleep, would have lucid dreaming, racing thoughts that I was aware of during sleep. Having panic attacks in my sleep and major nightsweats (probbaly due to SSRI - never had them unless I am taking SSRI) I felt like I was going mad and end up feeling sleepy in the day. Also during the day I would have some obsessive thinking and almost like I couldnt control my thoughts - mind going so fast and thinking and thinking so much. During some of these times I get more done, get a little impulsive (not like traditional mania but seem to be able to live better and more effectively)and do things I wouldnt normally do (get some piercings etc) I jsut have some get up and go.
When I look back over the past few years I have found it very hard at times to study, to get things done, feel like I have definitely had some degree of depression. Have had times where I connect well with others, return phone calls, go out and see people. Now I am feeling reclusive, dont like to go out unless I have to (I am not agoraphobic), feel hopeless, apathetic, lethargic, like I avoid seeing people and would rather read all day (sometimes I cant read the paper as my mind is going too fast.)
I cant actually distinguish between high and low sometimes as I can feel both acutely at the same time.
I am waiting to see a psychiatrist but cant get in for 6 weeks. My psychologist feels it might be BiPolarII as does my family doc- which initially what was considered when my luvox dose was too high.
I am not concerned with being labelled with a diagnosis but am desperate to know what this is all about and then get on with working out how to make it better.
My family doc today has told me to stop the Luvox and start taking Lexapro tomorrow. (I have taken citalopram in the past for depression).1. I wonder if I am prone to cycling can the SSRI make it worse? (I feel like as soon as I start taking any SSRI then I can feel my moods more acutely - sadder and happier)
2. Is taking the Lexapro the only way to see if it is effective or not (am terrified I wont be able to function and I am the major bread winner in our home)
3. How in the heck do I know what normal is? I never feel normal. I can look back and feel I have had times when life has been more steady for me but overall I am up and down.
4. Is the feeling of having more energy what people normally feel? I know my depression is not normal but is my higher periods normal?
5. Is anyone else scared of med changes? I feel like the typical psych patient who wants to go off drugs all the time. I feel like I was better without them - -seriously.Sorry this is so long
I am just tortured.
poster:Rani
thread:676548
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20060810/msgs/676548.html