Posted by pseudoname on May 8, 2006, at 17:59:56
I told her about me going to Dr Bob's APA workshop in Toronto. She thought it was terrific that I'm doing that. (I'm getting out of the house, for one thing.) She said she wished she could go. I said a lot of pdocs seem to discourage their patients from online groups like Babble. She said that's because they're afraid it will cut into their business. I think she was serious.
I told her I was trying to start a web page with buprenorhpine information. Her face kind of lit up at that. She thought that was a good idea, too.
We disagreed bigtime though, on my decades of depression, especially the last 12 years, during which I've been essentially unemployed, out of school, never in a romantic/sexual relationship, not in a social group, losing money, not doing much self-education or self-care, accomplishing very little, and losing my friends. Plus spending a huge percentage of the time in physical agony from depression.
She said my life was incalculably richer for the experience.
I say if I went to grad school tomorrow, I'd still be 20 years behind in my professional development. She said that if I go to grad school now I'll have all this depth of insight and that my career may be far more rewarding now because of all that.
She said I needed 12 years to germinate and “get ready.”
To which I say, b*llsh*t.
I think ONE YEAR of depression and the related losses would be more than enough to give me “insight.” The rest of the time added nothing. I was plenty “ready” to be better in 1995. I'm pretty sure the buprenorphine would've worked then, and my psychological views were oriented then so that I would've jumped at ACT therapy, if I had found out about it then instead of 10 years later.
I think sometimes loss is just loss. I'm 41, and I've been depressed since I was in high school. There isn't any wisdom it gave me that was worth more than half my life. (And even though I'm getting better I'm STILL depressed.) I wish I'd asked her, “Why are you so afraid to acknowledge loss?”
poster:pseudoname
thread:641472
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20060504/msgs/641472.html