Posted by robot on January 7, 2006, at 19:58:39
My relationships are suffering. My depression is now docked but Im struggling with this personality disorder that makes me emotionally distant. Mary Jane helps with this some (and anhedonia), but hurts in other ways, so Im getting off it.
Ive come to accept that I have schizoid tendencies--disinterest in people, anhedonia. But I also have tendencies that go the other way, they just seem really dead right now. I have a friend who I know I have deep feelings for but Im not feeling them and I view everyone in this disconnected way. Its been worse, but this is still not good enough. A few months ago on zoloft I had times when I felt more. But I dont want to get back on it for a few reasons (for sexual and otherwise).
My physical sexual desire and performance is better. Yet--I dont have much real desire to get laid, to be with someone in that way. Even in fantasy. I dont get aroused without effort, foreplay isnt really fun. I dont feel affectionate. Its hard to explain.
Id like to find something that would help me *feel* more. I wish it were less vague than that.
I take St John's Wort (2.5 weeks), and I wonder if, as it helps in other ways, it might make me feel less in other nuanced ways.
poster:robot
thread:596330
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20051231/msgs/596330.html