Posted by bigcat on November 19, 2005, at 19:51:34
In reply to Re: Lexapro: 10mg vs 20mg. Any more beneficial?????? » bigcat, posted by ed_uk on November 19, 2005, at 14:09:31
> Hi Matt
>
> Is there any chance that you might be suffering from bipolar disorder? Has your pdoc discussed this?
>
> EdHey Ed,
No, bipolar hasn't been ruled out. In fact, I've had hypomanic reactions upon starting a few meds. When Marplan worked (briefly) after four failed trials, I was definately hypomanic for a couple weeks. A high dose of Dexedrine and VERY potent marijuana mixture made me manic undoubtedly. Upon initializing a new med, I sometimes have a fleeting period of being particularly "up".
But I've never had a spontaneous manic episode (they have all been med-induced), and my mood never changes. I'm always down. Different meds just highlight different aspects of my depression, or help me see it in a different, equally painful and frustrating, light. I'm weary of all the psychiatric diagnosis, and am doubtful that "categorizing" my depression would shed much light on how to relieve it. Lithium, Lamictal, Neurontin, and other mood-stabilizers have never brought any anti-depressant effect. (I'm on Lamictal now). I feel the same one day to the next, never "cycle", and don't have "periods" when my mood brightens or I gain energy or anything like that. I almost wish there were some bipolar in me, so at least I'd be taken out of this abyss once in a while. (I'm sure I'd have a whole heap of other, probably worse problems, though).
I'd welcome and be interested in your input. Do you ask because I have "racing thoughts" of negativity? That would be an interesting perspective. I know OCD was the first manifestation of my psych illness (the depression followed a few years later). I have had clairvoyant moments (usually after smoking a bowl), where it seems that obsessing is at the heart of all my suffering. Like qbsbrown phrased so perfectly, "I can't get out of my head." A loud and cluttered head clouds my thinking and doesn't allow me to live "in the moment". I always watch myself vigilantly like I'm on a stage (what qbsbrown referred to as self-monitoring), and can't have an original thought or insight free from this entrapping obsessive cycle. This endless cycle may therefore contribute to my fatigue and anxiety I suppose???
Thanks Bud,
-matt-
poster:bigcat
thread:573903
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20051119/msgs/580490.html