Posted by Girlnterrupted on October 31, 2005, at 21:49:31
In reply to Re: Treatment resistant depression, posted by Phillipa on October 31, 2005, at 17:45:42
I am just as puzzled as you are, and this phenomenon is destroying my life. This is something that psychiatrists should be able to answer, but they seem to have no clue. At least all the ones I've seen seem pretty much used to it and not caring too much anymore.
I honestly don't think it's placebo. The reason for this is that the first time I tried Celexa, it didn't work. The problem was the dosage, it was too low. I was ready to give it up thinking it didn't work (I started on 20mgs, 2-3 weeks) and my doctor urged me to try 40mgs before giving it up, but I almost refused because I was convinced that my problem had no cure. Hesitantly I went on 40mgs.
In two weeks, all of a sudden one day I woke up with this new, amazing feeling of inner well-being, balance, and unbelievable excitement to be alive. It felt as if all the negative events in my life had clogged my brain causing my depression, and the AD somehow unclogged it and I could see clear and FEEL well finally. The negative thoughts disappeared. I remember I even tried to think about negative things, and they wouldn't make me feel bad, they were GONE. I had all these amazing dreams, where I would take off and fly, and I would just propell myself so high, and people would look at me and would be amazed but nobody could fly but me. Like "nightmares" but in reverse.
If it had all been placebo, the med might have worked at 20mgs, and I wouldn't have felt the huge difference at 40mgs. Also, how could the good effects last a whole year, and suddenly end when I switched to the supposedly "better" and "improved" version of the medication? I was actually hoping that Lexapro would be even more powerful than Celexa and would make me feel even better. But surprisingly, it screwed me up really bad and it ended with the antidepressant effect of Celexa. Hell, not even going off Celexa alone would do that (sometimes I'd run out of Celexa before I saw my doctor, and was off Celexa for 10 days, and I was still happy as hell. I felt some withdrawal symptoms, but I did NOT feel depressed!!)
The switching to Lexapro was the killer. I have NO CLUE why. No doctor in the planet seems to be able to answer this question either. This is my sad truth, and the ONLY thing that keeps me alive is the hope that one day I will be back in that state. If I had never been in that state, I swear to god I think I probably would have killed myself a couple of years ago.
poster:Girlnterrupted
thread:573337
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20051031/msgs/573959.html