Posted by needesp on September 11, 2005, at 19:09:23
In reply to Re: Boyfriend adding alcohol to Mirapex and Ambien » needesp, posted by flame on September 10, 2005, at 9:18:52
> Good Morning Needesp,
>
> Yes, we definitely know that it IS very difficult to live with our loved ones when they have depression/emotional/mental problems. But! It is because we love them that we are still there for them, for support and encouragement. If they didn't have us .. well, where would they be? I remind myself of that .. sometimes, quite often!
>
> Something that I have not had any luck in doing with my boyfriend .. is getting him to go for a complete checkup/bloodwork .. everything possible to rule out anything that might possibly be causing his great depression. Has your son possibly done this? My boyfriend .. I have just recently found out, has a mother and three sisters who have hypothyroid conditions. I have discovered that any kind of a thyroid condition can cause a multitude of emotional/mental health problems. In my thinking, it would definitely behoove him to get this checked out. But my bf won't have anything to do with that.
>
> Anyway, in my opinion .. I think that the psychotropic (is that the correct terminology?) meds are dispensed way too quickly by the psychologists/psychiatrists. Why are these docs not "required" to make sure that their patients do not have underlying health problems that may be causing their severe depression's etc.. BEFORE prescribing their patients antidepressants, etc?
>
> How old is your son? Obviously .. he is still living at home with you? What is MJ?
>
> It took me many years to "learn" to not get caught up in my bf's depression. But I have learned how and ALSO how not to take it personally. (Though, this is VERY hard at times .. I will have to admit!) Unfortunately as much as we feel what we can "do" to help them or things we say to that we think may help them, they many times can and/or DO make things worse. (Am I making sense here?)
>
> Yes, my bf has asked me on several different occassions to accompany him to his dr. appt. He hasn't asked me since the last time when I mentioned to his doc about how much drinking he was doing? His doc was not too happy about that that and more or less threatened to stop writing him scripts if he didn't try to curb that. I figured I would get reamed out for that one .. by my bf on the way home from that appt. He never said a word. I guess he realized that I (and the doc) were totally correct. He hasn't done anything about it though .. (the drinking). I think he is feeling so low and powerless .. ? It's all kind of like a catch 22, don't you think?
>
> The Best and Good Luck To YOU! ~Flame~HI flame,
You sound soooo strong. My son is 21 years old and the MJ stands for marijuana. As for Psychiatrists making sure there is nothing wrong (well....forget that...I have to remind my son to get the doctor occasionally to check his BP as high doses of Effexor (son is on 375mgs now) can cause high blood pressure. I know he is young and physically healthy but I still think it should be a prerequisite for each visit!
Will your boyfriend just go to an ordianry GP and get a workup, I guess you've mentioned to him that thyroid problems can cause depression and/or anxiety and that it is a very viable possibility that a thyroid functioning properly could alleviate his psychological problems (maybe you could go for yourself and have a check up too so you are both doing it together)...Men are so resistant to doctors!!
How do you not get caught up in his depression? What do you do or say?
I know what you mean about thinking you are helping but end up making things worse! I can see that my son is worrying about his marijauan use and getting back to uni, so I think if we bring it out into the open and discuss it then 2 heads are better than one....wrong for us....My verbalising his worry just makes him worry more (he has OCD along with his depression)!!!what a catch 22!!! So I have to shut up and just watch and if he says anything, just encourage and if something goes well, really congraduate him for each small step.
God its hard to watch and feel their suffering. I often feel like I am walking on egg shells....trying to be so careful not to offend or to keep things less anxiety provoking around him (can't always anticipate things though...)
As for going to the pdoc with them (i don't go as often now) but went once just recently to support him in telling his pdoc he was using MJ. He was pretty uptight about it afterwards because unfortuneately the pdoc just said "not good and stop!" GREAT (easy for him to say but no ideas given as to how to stop, why its a problem (neurotransmitter wise) and encouragement to give it a go!
My son says he is sure that he needs to be chemically balanced if he is to get well enough to function but is afraid that if he stops the MJ he will feel worse! (catch 22 again).
I know that AA apparently is very supportive and you might be able to go with your boyfriend to a meeting (easy for me to say and if you boyfriend doesn't acknowledge drinking as a problem then you don't have an avenue there) but there is also a support group for people with partners/loved ones that have a drinking problem(ring AA and find out). They meet and share ways to cope.
Thanks for replying (I find it so helpful to hear from others)....
> > Hi Flame,
> > Sounds like you are a wonderful support person...and of cause you know what he is on and why... my post to you was almost for myself! > I have been supporting my son through his suffering for 2 years now and its not easy....I have to remind myself not to take some of the things that he does and says personally. I know I need to take more specific time out for myself...sometimes I forget and sometimes I get caught up in his suffering (i could kick myself when I do cause i know I'm making things worse for us both).
> >
> > As a support person I sometimes get so angry at the doctors (why can't they find the answers!!!?).
> >
> > As for the drinking....for me it was scary to watch and live with...now my son is doing MJ but although he is quieter there are still repercussions of that!!!
> >
> > Will your boyfriend let you go with him to the doctors? Sometimes knowing what they are saying and where they are heading can give you some idea what the plan is and why!
> >
> > anyway the others know more about what is happening
> >
> > all the best and good luck
> >
>
>
poster:needesp
thread:552310
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20050909/msgs/553883.html