Posted by Mr.Scott on June 28, 2005, at 3:38:09
In reply to ECT - high voltage?, posted by ed_uk on June 26, 2005, at 18:29:41
Sorry to butt in, but I feel compelled to share my experience here.
My opinion is only based on my experience and therefore cannot be generalized. This much I 'still remember' :-)! It is however a strong opinion because I believe that for every vocal dissuader without a medical license (like Tom Cruise for instance), another person commits suicide or dies slowly from indulging in vices that bring only temporary relief.I would rather have ECT every other day for 4 straight weeks (I get it once a month) than take ANY marketed SSRI, Lithium, Depakote, etc. I would even take ECT over the controlled substances like benzos and stims (if I could roll back time) knowing that they can come back to haunt eventually if not well monitored and even then sometimes.
I spent a lot of time and energy (wasted) trying to find the perfect combo of toxic pills and never came close to feeling this stable. I was the pharmacies best customer and helped put many a psychiatrist's child through college, but my treatment resistant depression remained treatment resistant save for a few very brief periods in 12 years. Initial Prozac and Nardil reaction maybe 6 weeks.
If you have treatment resistant depression, I'd be sure to look into ALL the options...My identity as a wallower in self-pity coupled with a desire for half-measures and easy answers got me nowhere except into debt with a large mental health bill and nothing to show for it.
Whether you find help in ECT, Jesus, or Metallic Salts (LiC03) and canine urine extracts (early anticonvulsants)...my advice is to keep an open mind. Sometimes help comes from where you'd least expect it to come from, and for me eroding the stigma of where help might be lurking has been the longest and hardest journey.
A year ago I was a cocaine smoking, assaultive, weapon brandishing, angrily suicidal burden on everyone around me. I wanted to die and only because I failed once at it did I not try it again. I could only think of my Mother dying, so that I could kill myself after she was gone and spare her the final chapter in her miserable sons life. I suffered chronic anxiety and yet was tired all the time. I gained 40 pounds from meds, my cholesterol was double what it is today, and I felt life was a meaningless waste. Still I put on a suit and went to work every single day because I knew it was expected of me and as I stood waiting for the train, not a day went by I didn't wish I could have the courage to jump out onto the tracks in front of the trains that raced by.
I volunteered for outpatient ECT and it worked where drug trial after drug trial failed.
I just got into one of the top grad schools in the US, am making more money than I need, will propose in several months (should she still want me!), and I feel like the closest I ever felt to being the way I was pre-illness. Gone is the desire for any form of self-destruction be it suicide or drug use. I can actually look forward today and extract pleasure from helping other people. I volunteered at an animal shelter, and routinely help drug addicts/alcoholics. To say that...for me is truly mind boggling. I was the most selfish and self-absorbed SOB you would ever want to meet.Now I don't know... Perhaps my experience is unique...but the problems I have from ECT are nothing compared to the problems I had from the meds or the illness. I don't have any memory loss at all! I have an inconvenience that requires me to take a half day once a month.
Let me quote the fortune cookie I opened after a drug and alcohol binge that led to me taking this step (and others) that have led me to feel as I believe I was intended to feel. I keep it on my fridge.
"Idleness is the Holiday of Fools."
I'm not trying to offend anyone. Nor am I trying to be an ECT prophet who claims one size fits all... but it does irk me that people will willingly take pills that have been around for less than a decade, some of which don't even have relevant indications for what they are prescribed for, develop obesity and diabetes as a result, feel numb and impotent and then be content to whine about the various shortcomings without seeking further knowledge and treatment. And in doing so critique that which they have no personal experience with or in-depth knowledge of. We all saw Jack Nicholson in 'One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.' You can get the same effect with any of the meds now being promoted at your local psychiatrists office.
Maybe ECT in my neighborhood is different from ECT in yours. I don't know... And if it was forced on me I'd resist just as I'd resist antipsychotics or a loading dose of Depakote to quiet me down.
Just do what you gotta do to feel right in the head...whatever that is. It's worth anything to get back on the ride of life!
Scott
poster:Mr.Scott
thread:519427
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20050627/msgs/520353.html