Posted by pretty_paints on March 4, 2005, at 15:00:56
Hi hi to lovely Ed, and Phillipa (and anyone else),
Thanks for your babble. I thought I would reply in here, hope you don't mind. I'm am feeeling weird. Argh. And my family aren't really helping. I feel psyched.
I am so scared to look or touch anything incase I have to do stuff to it. I just got my belt out, it is too big so I had to put another hole in it, but i ended up putting three holes. this is not what I would have chosen, I don't think. But I don't know whose these thoughts are. or where mine have gone.
I look at myself and i feel like im hiding inside a robot. i dont feel like im in control. it just feels weird. Every time I look at a piece of clothing or jewellery i end up putting it in the bin because i don't like it. sure, there are some things i don't like, but i am getting stuff im not sure about. maybe i do like it? But I don't know. I would feel safe with my own thoughts i think.
I feel very weird and different. but I don't know whether that is the psychosis leaving me, or psychosis coming on. I am sort of thinking that the psychosis is getting less, and therefore I am feeling better and that is why I am having a clear-out of my whole wardrobe. But I don't know what's happening.
And Ed you said about this other med. Well I didn't mention it bcoz my doc was all sorted with her prescription. she increased my remeron dose to 30mg and abilify to 20mg. I was feeling low on the day and crying. I have to see her again in bloody 6 WEEKS. This is stupid. with my old doc I saw her regularly. 20mg is not that much more than 15mg, and i can't handle this for the next 6 weeks. I feel like something is coming in and eating me up from the inside and im not in control anymore.
The appointment was ok. It was quite short. There was a student in called Richard or something and he freaked me out. It made it worse coz they were then in a team of 3 against me. I even tried to get Helen my social worker on "my side" as it were, but she agreed with the doc.
A lot of stuff has been happening since I last saw the doc which I told Helen about, and she told the doc about, but the doc didn't bring any of it up and asked me brand new questions. Didn't give me any feedback. Wouldn't explain anything. Any time I said something like "you're angry at me arn't you?" all she would say is "no". Oh right, well that's hardly gonna convince me otherwise is it! She could have said something like "no Katie of course I'm not, why would I be? You haven't done anything wrong".
Anyway please write back if you have any advice!! I am gonna talk to my dad for the moment so I'll see you in a bit guys.
xxx
poster:pretty_paints
thread:466530
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20050304/msgs/466530.html