Posted by barbaracat on January 3, 2005, at 16:12:42
In reply to Re: Those are hypomanias, posted by banga on January 3, 2005, at 14:05:25
Let's not forget the new problems that these episodes bring with them. The unpaid bills, the lost jobs, the messy house, the damaged relationships, the unkept commitments, the nasty words, can't find the friggin' keys. It's bad enough how bad the disorder makes us feel, but then we have to face the fallout from our actions. We cause alot of damage at a time when we're least able to do anything about it. Or we just get dragged down farther and farther, can't catch up and miss out. Just when we need compassion and understanding the most, people respond to us like we're weird - cause we ARE acting weird. And that would be depressing even without a raging mood disorder.
Everytime I go out to my garage and see those shelves and shelves and aisles and aisles of expensive junk from my never to be finished grand projects, I feel dismayed. I'm amazed anyone could have that much energy to buy all that stuff, that many ideas for creative projects in one lifetime. Now I have to clean it up, I need to clean it up just to free up that trapped energy. But AT LEAST, now that I'm in a stable place, I no longer feel overwhelming shame and paralysis. AND I'm no longer adding more stuff to it. In fact, come Spring, I'm even looking forward to going on a 'stuff safari hunt' and seeing what I've got in there.
But prior to feeling better, I was not able to face the sheer overwhelm of it all or the shame and beating myself up for being so 'irresponsible and stupid'. I don't know about you, but I think the worst part of being in a really bad place is how much I hate myself when I'm in it.
poster:barbaracat
thread:435630
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20050103/msgs/437266.html