Posted by AMD on November 2, 2004, at 14:16:13
Folks,
I feel myself going mad.
I was feeling good, calm, collected Wednesday night. Got some reading done, fell to sleep around 2 a.m.
I woke up at 9 a.m. to the /strong/ smell of paint fumes in my apartment, which I'd been sleeping in for probably an hour at least. They'd been painting my door (outside) and others in the area. I mean, it reeked of spray paint. (I checked and they were using oil-based paint with hazardous solvents.) I opened the window, smell began to dissipate, but I was already triggered into some obsession. Went back to bed.
Woke up a few hours later completely worried and freaked out. Went to the office; couldn't concentrate. Left early. Started to feel obsessive to the point of insanity. Felt like I literally had melted my brain cells. Couldn't think, couldn't think about thinking, without being filled with dread.
Went out Friday night and drank ... something I hadn't done in months. Saturday I still felt depressed. Went to the office and tried to concentrate on work, but instead spent hours online looking up brain damage as a result of paint fume inhalation. Went out Satruday as an escape, drank again, was too drunk to drive, so I slept in my car. Oh, smoked some weed, too. Finally drove home and got into bed around 5 a.m. Popped some Geodon, and slept in until 3 p.m. Monday.
Monday: missed work (slept all day), couldn't concentrate, and still felt as if my brain was melted and I would never be able to focus again. Went to bed last night early, and woke up today /still/ not feeling OK, still obsessing, and still depressed.
I'm trying to get some work done now, but I feel both physically sick and mentally perturbed. Still obsessing, but trying not to. I am a little calmer now.
0. How the &*$#&! could I have swirved into these debilitating feelings if it wasn't from the paint fumes? It MUST be from the fumes.
1. Any damage from the fumes, in reality?
2. Why is my head racing, am I unable to conentrate, and yet depressed? Did the paint do this?
3. I'm on Lamictal 200 mg, and Celexa 80 mg. I took Geodon twice this weekend, along with drinking episodes. Was this something that could have caused permanent cognitive damage?
4. If this is all in my head -- I am still unable to concentrate and feel scared to engage in any mental activity for fear of seeing how "stupid" I've now become -- I need a GOOD DRUG. Any recommendations? I'm worried Xanax will just exasperate the problem. I have some here, though, at a low dose.
5. I'm expected to be able to design complex security systems in this state? UGH!
Help! Dr. Bob, this is /meds/ related, not health related. Just wanted to extrapolate on the things I'm feeling and their triggers.
a
poster:AMD
thread:410665
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20041029/msgs/410665.html