Posted by lostforwards on October 27, 2004, at 20:05:32
I wish I knew what happened to me...I really do.
I have a history of broad base delusional paranoia ( not schizophrenia ), and mild mood swings. Also a history of intense feelings. I personally don't think I'm obsessive but maybe they did. Please note: I was not made aware of what was causing these symptoms..it was like nobody wanted to tell me.Would someone please diagnose me? ( seriously, I was kept in the dark...maybe that was part of the treatment )...
When I was stressed and took my antipsychotic I got even more paranoid on a small scale. I started to think everyone around me was talking about me. I started playing with objects compulsively too. I'd also do stuff like unconsciously pick up things while talking to someone. It's like the med made me worse immediately.. or did it just reveal somethign? I'm not sure but I think the doctors were trying to stress treat me. The staff would make loud noises intentionally while I was on the antipsychotic.
Being put on the med again I got even more stressed out and started doing weirder things. I couldn't look people in the face while I was talking to them. A lot of other weird stuff happened too.
I'm particularly sensitive to the meds and my psychiatrist ( involved in this complicated scheme ) purposely jacked up the dose everytime I'd act like that.
Now I feel totally deadened. I feel like I've been put through a blender. For what purpose!? Were they trying to kill my feelings? What were they trying to do? What was going on?
poster:lostforwards
thread:408107
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20041024/msgs/408107.html