Posted by Racer on September 3, 2004, at 12:42:53
In reply to Re: Thanks all - I'm done. » jerrympls, posted by SLS on September 3, 2004, at 7:31:51
SLS has really said most of what can be said, I think, and said it very, very well.
(So well, in fact, that it made some of my own experiences 'click' for the first time. Thank you, Scott.)
As for Jerry, I know you're at MN, so you're getting access to what should be pretty great care, and I know you're not experiencing it as great care -- and from what you've described, I think it's not great care for you. I'm sorry that that's happening to you.
I'm just coming out of a very similar situation, without a lot of the protections you've had, but also without some of the really over-the-top problems you've described. All I can tell you is this: I'm not well yet, and still think I'll never *be* well -- but getting out of that battle and into treatment with professionals who are trying to help *me* has made it better. (So have a lot of individuals here, but that's another story.) I'm trying Cymbalta, and hating it pretty much every day so far during the adjustment phase -- but I'm still taking it and trying to muddle through and it is doing something that is positive.
Here's a suggestion based partly on what SLS said and partly on something someone just told me: since anxiety, agitation, anger, etc really do play such a role in suicidal feelings, it might be worth talking to your dr about something like a beta blocker to turn down the volume on your adrenaline production. It's not a fix for depression and misery, but it might make it more bearable and it might make it easier for you to assess your remaining options. There are some out there, but when you're feeling that bad, it's way too much effort to try to find them. Something to address the physical signs of anxiety, so that you can concentrate on something else, really might be a short term bridge for you.
Best luck, and I do hope you stay with us. It's so dang hard to hang on, and knowing that there are others also in this much pain sometimes helps me hold on, thinking, "If [Jerry, SLS, Whoever] is hurting this much, and holding on, I should hold on, too." As Franklin said, "We must all hang together, or else we shall certainly hang separately." I know it never helps me to read that when I'm where you are, but we're trying to hang together, and there's room set aside here specifically for you.
poster:Racer
thread:385815
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040830/msgs/386021.html