Posted by Racer on May 31, 2004, at 9:53:44
In reply to withdrawal. *severe use of F-word* plz read, reply, posted by Soraheart on May 30, 2004, at 1:43:15
I'm so sorry you're in such pain. I'd say, as an entry in the understatement award catagory, that you're not being appropriately medicated. Like you didn't know that, eh? Here's something you probably don't know, though: when you find the right med or med combo, it really does turn your life around. No more crying all the time, and no more of the uncontrollable outbursts. At least, that's how it worked for me, way back when I was appropriately medicated. All of a sudden, it opened up avenues I hadn't been able to see before. I hope that that will happen for you, too, and soon.
From what you've written, I've got a few ideas to offer up, but I know that you won't like the first one. Xanax can worsen depression. Believe me, I understand more completely than you can know about not wanting to give up something that feels like a lifeline, and I carefully hoard and ration my own Xanax so that it's there when I need it. On the other hand, I'm middle aged, which means that I'm looking backwards as much as forwards in my life. I also don't have a standing order for it anymore, so I have to make it last when I get it. So, my first advice is to talk to your doctor about getting you off Xanax, and onto something that addresses the problem rather than the symptom.
My second line of reasoning is much, much harder still. Help educate your family about depression. Again, believe me when I tell you that I *know* how impossible that is. Your brother's comments make me think you're in an unsupportive family environment, which is contributing a lot to your distress. (Another entry in the understatement catagory, huh?) Don't try to sit down and tell them what depression is, that's way too stressful and likely to cause more harm than good. Print out some good articles from NIMH or Mayo or one of those organizations for your family to read. Do tell them that it would help you a lot if they could try to educate themselves about what you're going through so that they can be more supportive, and offer to answer any questions about how it is for you once they've done so. They may not do it, of course, but if they do it will probably help you.
As much as possible, try to sleep in the dark and be awake during the day. I know it's hard, but it makes such a difference. Even if you have to live through a few days of hell to get there, go to bed before midnight and get up by about 7. Try it for two weeks and see how it works for you. It really makes a difference for me.
You didn't mention psychotherapy in your list. Are you seeing a good, trusted therapist? If not, that's way up there on the list, believe me. Even if therapy doesn't 'fix' anything, it will give you a safer outlet for some of your overwhelming despair.
I get a weird sound in my ears, too, sometimes. Flapping is not the first description I would think of, but it does describe it. I think, from other signs at the same time, it's from blood flow near the ears. The pulsations are the beating of my heart. Yeah, it's distracting at times, but once I figured out what it was, it didn't bother me much. (Mind you, my blood pressure is low, so that may make it less bothersome for me.) I hope that helps a little.
Listen, I am a lot older than you are, but I remember being your age and feeling very much the way you describe. In those days, there weren't a lot of medication options available, so I was on my own through it. It was sheer hell, and I wonder now how and why I survived. If I could do something for the teenage me, I would FORCE her to get effective and appropriate treatment. I hope you'll keep trying, and i hope you'll find either a doctor who'll treat you more aggressively or find that your doctor will do more for you now.
Best luck.
poster:Racer
thread:352054
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040527/msgs/352343.html