Posted by Sad Panda on May 11, 2004, at 4:52:40
In reply to Preparing - I don't want to, but part of me is., posted by SLS on May 10, 2004, at 11:23:38
> Hi All.
>
> I am not liking what's going on with me. The significant improvement of my depression that came from the addition of memantine to my treatment has completely vanished. It has been two weeks since I felt best. It has been 4 days since I have felt any improvement at all. I have been on an emotional rollercoaster with this thing despite my attempts to stay off the ride. I was genuinely convinced that I was on my way to experiencing life again. Now, I am becoming convinced that I never will.
>
> I guess I can pretend for a few more days that there is a chance that this stuff will kick-in again. However, I had a very scary reaction to this recent drug failure. There really isn't much left for me to try. I'm not that young anymore. I no longer feel that I have the rest of my life ahead of me. I know that 44 is not old, but it now seems old enough that I might be able to make my peace with God and prepare myself for committing suicide. I have never felt prepared to do this before. That I don't believe in a hereafter has gone a long way to prevent me from leaving life in the past. To me, suicide does not mean moving on to another destination. It is to end forever my only occasion of existence. I am afraid now that if I work on it seriously, I can prepare myself for death.
>
>
> - Scott
>
>Youch! The reason I started AD's is because of the endless suicide ideations I was going through & the only reason I didn't do it is because it would upset too many people. You are the number one contributor to this board & far to many people are going to miss you, so you should stay. :)
If you a bored you could list all the drugs you have tried. I'd be interested in reading it.
Cheers,
Panda.
poster:Sad Panda
thread:345360
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040510/msgs/345627.html