Posted by SandyWeb on April 12, 2004, at 5:41:45
In reply to Re: Withdrawal from Cold Turkey » SandyWeb, posted by EmmyS on April 11, 2004, at 19:45:02
Hi Emmy,
The only med they gave me was on the first night of my hospitalization. They came into my bathroom, and found me nauseous and shaking incredibly badly. The nurse hurried out and came back with a HUGE Ativan. It still took over an hour for it to impact upon me. She stated that she does not want me to ever get into that type of condition again.
Well, I had two more panic attacks during my stay. The second one they were not aware of, and the third one they just closed the door and left me alone to deal with it.
They seem to believe that I do not need any meds to overcome my difficulites. They think that all I need is therapy. I truely don't think I believe in that assessment, since I have been "unstable" for a number of years but just lost my coping abilities last year. I just want some form of stability again so that I can take care of myself properly.
I think I was the only patient on the unit NOT getting any meds. I was given a teeny-tiny Ativan the next two nights to help me sleep....but it was too tiny and didn't do a thing for me. And that was that. Not a thing. And believe me....I was not well in the hospital. But I guess after soooooo many years of pretending that all is well, I've become a pretty good little actress. Say the right things, do the right things, act in the proper manner.....and they let you go home. I just wanted out of that place so badly. It kept me safe from my birthday, but that was all. (Hey, I still have a birthday bag here on my table, filled with wrapped presents inside. I have absolutely no desire to even look inside. There's no interest in receiving these gifts. I guess I feel underserving and have no need for them. I can't imagine ever opening them).
Well, off to another day of maracas, disorientation, loss of balance, nightmmares, and thinking that I hear a "talk radio" station turned on (when that's not the case), etc, etc. I cut myself again yesterday, so this withdrawal had better get over with soon.
Could they have been so blind to think that I was well enough to return home? Jeepers, I deserve an Academy Award or something! Lol! I knew I was good at hiding myself from others, but from professionals??? Wow! Where's my award? Ha!
Take care!
Sandy
poster:SandyWeb
thread:335154
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040412/msgs/335420.html