Posted by PsychoSage on March 8, 2004, at 17:14:40
In reply to question for Psychosage, posted by linkadge on March 8, 2004, at 16:24:20
> Hey you sound a lot like me.
>
> I am 21, and have been on every medication under the sun. Have been hospitalized twice and am trying to go to university all at the same time.
>
> You are a little bit older than I am.
> What advice would you have for someone like me.
>
> My problem is that I totally freak out about school. I need to know that I will still survive even If I totally fail every course I take.
>
>
> Linkadge
>
Oh, HAHA! Did I inspire any hope in you? I need some myself. I am in the midst of this struggle myself.I have a year left, and I am on leave at the moment. I have been on various types of leave [academic and medical].
I hope you have a very good academic advising team in your favor and your counseling services [psychological] are coordinating your treatment with your shrink. If your shrink is within the counseling and psych services then all the better.
There is a great mental health series that was in Harvard's paper this January. It was basically about the shortcomings and issues regarding the University's treatment of its students and how students experience the mental health services. Many universities have harvard's problems and the same system where therapists and shrinks treat the student instead of having the same person do the talk and drug therapy.
I will provide a link: http://www.thecrimson.com/mentalhealthseries.aspx
I was floundering with my problems at your age, so I remember the pressure and fear very well. Right now, I am preparing to deal with being at school again but I have a lot more perspective on myself and my emotions.
So much of mental illness is about finding out who we are and untangling our own false beliefs and uncovering the reasons behind our dysfunctional behaviors. It is important that you figure out a balance, and be up front with your "people". I primarily mean academic advisers and psych people, but that can include professors who may just need to know that you can or can't do something by a deadline [instead of hiding which was my favorite tactic-avoidance} annd your family/friends.
You have to take care of all your needs, and it can be so hard when you have to deal with monitoring psych meds. I thought I got myself together finally in 2002, but the very thing that I thought was so integral to my moving forward, psych drugs, basically snuffed me out.
Fortunately, I have not has a super serious episode of mania or hospitalization since the really disheartening experience of leaving school yet again, but I have been blunted by the failure.
You need to ask for accomodations if necessary. Be honorable if you ask for an extension or to take an exam another day. I have flaked out and also made good on extensions when they've been given to me. You don't have to be explicit to professors about your troubles even if you ask for some assistance - whether it be with extra help with writing or studying when you should have asked a while ago but you were ill or for an extension for an assignemnt. You may have to reveal something to convince the prof or TA that you aren't full of poop, but this is up to you. You may also use your therapist or academic adviser as a spokesperson for you because it's normal to be relucatant to communicate or totally too petrified to bother. They are used to this stuff.
Simplify and identify. Watch out for all your stress triggers including relationships [romantic and otherwise] and also past ghosts of failure at your school which means old profs you pissed off or anything that brings your mind back.
It's important to relieve as much tension and stress because there is always so much anyways.
Always try to be realistic [that's our problem though, being mentally ill we distort so much} about what you can take on, so you don't collapse because of one class. If you are full-time and have to drop down to 3 classes {the normal minimum for full time} then do it. If you have to take Cs and had a bad semester-- get over your pride and take Cs and get your credits. Don't let it depress you as if it were life and death, and you will never get into grad school.
I have so many Ws on my transcript that I could have 4 degrees by now.
Always lobby for yourself. If you are unreasonable, a TA, prof or your adviser will let you know. Whatever you do, don't let things overwhelm you into deep depression where you collapse into yourself. I usually get there by not doing reading, missing classes and oversleeping.
It helps to have a few other friends on meds to commiserate with. Working on your self-perception in the sense of how you think others perceive you as a mental basketcase{if they were to ever find out} is something to address. Walking around feeling handicaped and imparied is itself a kind of disorder like body dysmorphic. It's hard to have to deal with abnormality while trying to act normal.
Taking a class with abnormal psych might be helpful or hurtful.
I still haven't realized that taking it easier {don't load up on lots of demanding classes at once} and demanding less of myself is the way to go until you have real evidence of your strength and stamina to be productive. You have to go on the most recent evidence. How you were before a breakdown or a funk may mislead you. It may not be where you are starting from in the moment, and it can be hard and scary thinking about how to get back there and how long it will take.
Lastly, be aware of dulling and activating drugs and what they do to you. It's taken me years to understand the side effects of drugs and even understand what they are trying to do for me. I still don't know if a drug is really working, but you have to be brutally honest with yourself about this and don't have false confidence. i trusted psych drugs when I should have been skeptical. I often let side effects hurt me for longer than other people would. If you use stimulants for any reason: adhd meds,
tobacco, and caffeine be aware of the cycle of coming up and crashing and also of tolerance.Here are some books that are interesting and written by college educated mentally ill people:
Andy Behrman Electroboy
Dr Kay jamison An Unquiet Mind
Lizzie Simon my life in 4-d - something like that [i heard her speak}
Lizzie wurtzel - prozac nationJust don't deny your illness and don't overmagnify it. Easier said than done, but those things just get in the way of being able to attack it or being able to relax.
You'll find your own confidence. keep on keeping on.
Good luck!
poster:PsychoSage
thread:322135
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040308/msgs/322148.html