Posted by Lyrical13 on December 23, 2003, at 9:31:07
In reply to Re: Lamictal for BPII -and no anxiety meds » Lyrical13, posted by Tony P on December 22, 2003, at 19:34:56
> Thanks so much for your response - I am feeling much better after talking to my counsellor on the phone, seeing my MD, just getting out of the apartment, and feeling that people were taking me seriously -- how do you tell your boss (even if he's also a friend) that you feel like pulling your pillows and blanket into the den and lying there in the dark because it's safe ('cause it has no windows)???
>
> My MD, bless him, has put me on 2 mg clonazepam twice a day for the next 10 days, by which time I'll be in to see my pdoc and follow up with the MD. He also put me on the Psychiatric emergency followup program, which I'd never heard of - they will call me, and I can also call them, to see how I'm doing over Xmas.
>
> Seroquel is one of the options I'd wondered about, but the next choice recommended both by the pdoc and my MD is Effexor. Among the 3 professionals I'm seeing (!) we're not really sure how much I'm truly bipolar 2 or 3, and how much is the combination of changes in Rx medication and the excessive self-medication I've been doing with muscle-relxants (Robaxin) to try and cope with the physical tension -- which has a backlash, of course.
>
> And thanks for the "mantra". I've been trying to keep up that kind of selftalk, too, but it also helps to hear it from someone else!
>
> Tony
Hey, no problem. I just discovered this site and I wish I had found it much sooner. It helps to talk to people who have "been there". I know what you mean about telling people (friends, bosses etc) about how you're feeling. It's so scary because you never know how they're going to react. Will they think you are a complete nutcase or understand and give you support? I've had both types of experiences. There are times I have shared things with people where I was glad I did and other times where I'm kicking myself and feeling very vulnerable. I used to tell NO ONE about the depression/anxiety except my husband and best friend and mom. But over the years, as the public has become more educated about it, and I become more comfortable with it, I have been sharing it more and have been fortunate to be given support and kindness most of the time. What's most frustrating is that my husband's family and people at work have been very very supportive (that's good) BUT my own family has never been very supportive. My mom is becoming more supportive...she's always acknowledged my problem and actually was the one way back when I started college to push me toward getting help, but she hasn't really understood. Our dialogue has been very difficult. It was especially frustrating because she is a nurse and has a difficult time accepting new information from me (I get the "I've been a nurse for 30 years and I know what I'm talking about" response) But we had a good talk a couple days ago and she actually listened to me and for the first time I was able to describe to her how it feels when I am in a bad place. It was quite refreshing. Maybe we are embarking on a new phase in our relationship. I hate to get my hopes up but things have been getting gradually better as I assert myself (there is still quite a bit of backlash...I changed the "dance" (if you've read any of the books..."Dance of Intimacy", "Dance of Anger" etc.) and instead of just shutting up and listening to her rant and rave I started standing up for myself. Then all of a sudden I was a "bitch" and was "being defensive") But things are getting better.Anyway, I have had bad experiences with a former job in telling people (eventually lost my job because of it..indirectly...they said it was because of all of the absences..which were a result of trouble I was having with depression/anxiety...) But the good thing is that I am now in a job where supervisors and co-workers are very supportive. I only share my history and ongoing progress (or lack thereof) with a few people but I am discovering that there are many people that I work with who are in the same boat as me. That's reassuring.
Re: Effexor..that's what I am on and I feel better than I ever have in my life (that I can remember) It's supposed to help with both depression and anxiety. It really did (and does) for me. One caution though..it has the potential to push you into a hypomanic or manic state. I just recently found out that many ADs have that potential. did not know that. For me it's hypomania...but for about 10 years I've thought (and doctors, counselors etc have too) that I had chronic major depression with generalized anxiety disorder. Just a few weeks ago as I was telling my doc about sleep difficulties, talking more than usual, feeling obnoxious, having difficulty calming down when I get angry/upset, past hx of spending sprees and taking on a zillion projects at once...he said that it sounded more like BP2. In the research I've done so far on BP2, it does sound like me. So this is a new process for me and a bit scary. I'm always afraid when I start on a new med...I have a hx of reactions to meds (not all but you never know which one it's going to be!) and am very sensitive to meds.. often need only pediatric doses. So I'm always afraid when I start a new med because I don't know what it's going to do to me.
Anyway, I'm glad I could help a little bit. In a way, I feel a little bit like an ambassador for awareness for mental health issues (I don't like the label of "mentally ill"...it just sounds so negative and "crazy") What I mean is, I am getting braver at disclosing my experiences re: depression/anxiety..though still cautious. But when I am talking to someone and I suspect that they may be going through something similar, I will share that I am on meds for anxiety/depression in the hopes that they might be comforted and realize that it's OK and others are experiencing the same types of problems.
Anyway, it sounds like you're doing a little better and I'm glad for you. Good luck and hang in there.
Lyrical 13
poster:Lyrical13
thread:292242
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20031219/msgs/292732.html