Posted by Harvester of Eyes on November 7, 2003, at 20:17:51
In reply to I need some help please, posted by Mr. Scott on November 7, 2003, at 17:58:59
I think we have some things in common. I have a few remarks to share.
I am four years sober. When I felt like you do now and the doctor was inaccessible I went to a meeting. If you have done AA you know meetings vary in mood and value, so it often takes more than one. I credit AA with helping me through many rough days. I was in shock after several months without drinking as I looked at the damage surrounding me and in my past. I don't know how long you have been sober but I am still learning how to live the sober life and my own road to recovery have been marked by episodes like you describe. Deep, dark, agony, but followed ultimately by real progress and increasing joy.
Anxiety does take one down the road to depression. I find cognitive therapy principles helpful. Learning to stop negative automatic thoughts, such as catastrophizing or tormenting myself with "I should have's," take time but eventually become reflexive.
As alcoholics, we live our lives in fear, and we become very skilled at living in fear with no one knowing, including ourselves. Learning how to live "normally" -- without a constant sense of doom, dread and despair -- takes time after failing to learn it earlier. We unlearn, then learn.
I credit Neurontin with correcting my brain chemicals so that I no longer felt an overwhelming desire to drink. I was on 4x the dose you are on, if that matters.
This is a personal observation, and many would disagree, but I find the people in AA meetings seem to be about one third people with psychiatric problems, such as depression. Fixing our brain and fixing our mind go hand in hand.
You have been focusing on loss. I understand. Consider mourning your loss and being done with it. Look at what you have now, and what you want (start short term). Work towards those goals and take stock over time. If you are like me you will suddenly discover you have gained traction and are moving through life with greater vigor and serenity than ever before.
poster:Harvester of Eyes
thread:277572
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20031105/msgs/277609.html