Posted by BarbaraCat on October 31, 2003, at 19:31:09
In reply to Re: Lamictal side effects, posted by fluffy on October 29, 2003, at 10:59:40
Hi Katy and All,
We sure do have a great buddy system here, eh? Sometimes I think youse guys are closer to me than most of my non-virtual friends! I'm glad you're doing better, Katy. I've been real busy lately and haven't had time to catch up on messages but came to this one first to see how you were doing. When the bottom falls out that's all there is. It's so hard to jump start those neurons into seeing anything but hopelessness and 'Aw, sh*t, here it goes again!'.St. John, the whole idea of valid sadness vs. depression sure would fill a philosophical tome. This world is in sorry shape and sometimes I think that anyone who isn't seriously depressed just isn't paying attention. It's a worthy thing to peacefully allow that sorrow in and not shove it away, although I think the saints are the only ones who can do this consistently. Until we know how to just be with the intense pain that we of the sensitive ilk experience so acutely, meds are good training wheels.
I know without any doubt that sadness and stress have triggered my genetic predisposition toward mood disorders. Hey, some people get heart disease, some get cancer, some get everything - I am so grateful that I don't have anything too serious on top of the mood grunge.
I deal with grief on a daily basis, my own, the plight of innocent creatures who are at the mercy of a violent reality called Life in the Third Dimension, the difficulty of finding a sense of life purpose that actually pays something when so much of all of our efforts are crucial at this time. I'm tired of jobs that are soul draining and a waste of time only to get that stupid paycheck to have enough money to go back to work another week. Argghhh! I guess that's why I got fibromyalgia and got too sick to work anymore. Drastic, but whatever works.
Life is just hard. It can be great, but even the good times are tinged with the dread of losing them. The Buddha's First Noble Truth is that 'Life if suffering' and boy was he right. But he also said that there's a way out of that suffering and that is to not cling to delusion, not cling to distractions to avoid the pain. That by just being with what is moment by moment gives rise to the trust that mind stuff is just that, just stuff. Letting it be, letting it pass through without causing it to stick through clenching around it allows it to go on its un-merry way.
One thing that's been helping me ALOT lately as I go through another round of intense anxiety and ultra-sensitivity, insomnia and clutched breathing is to keep telling myself that 'I can take it'. We keep forgetting this in the midst of despair - that we've been through it before, grew from it, and there's no reason why we can't do it again. It's only that clamping down, stopping the breath, resisting the discomfort (intense, yes, but we haven't died yet from it), that the crap gets lodged and sticks around. Fear feeds on itself. So here's a good trick. When it gets bad, just say loudly to yourself, whether you believe it or not (your frightened child will) 'I CAN TAKE IT!!'. Been working for me. Love to you all. - Barbara
poster:BarbaraCat
thread:238206
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20031030/msgs/275379.html