Posted by fluffy on October 26, 2003, at 10:31:02
In reply to Re: oops! same question » katia, posted by BarbaraCat on October 25, 2003, at 14:41:16
> Hi Katia!
> Good to hear from you. Yosemite, ahhhhhh... many fond memories. Yeah, let's meet up in substance. Give me a jingle when you're ready. BTW, I found Fluffy here too.Hi you guys.
I'm having a terrible time with depression and drug trials. It makes me even more sad when the drugs make me have a bad reaction.
I've been in a major depression for 3 weeks now, and feeling pretty dim about my future. I pretty much feel like life isn't worth living. When my pdoc asks me questions re: depression, I hit all of the symptoms, and it makes me feel really helpless.
I've been through a doozy of a week or so. First, when I was showing signs of a major depression (a moderate one became major), he tried wellbutrin on me. It made me feel really anxious at first, like I'd had a cup of coffee. I liked the activation b/c I was just laying around the house, finding it difficult to move. But I soon started to feel really agitated and irritated. I started feeling agitated with my own voice, and it felt like it was rattling really loudly in my head. (!!!--what is that about?!) And I had a mini-manic episode, where I couldn't stop working on a halloween costume, cleaning the house...basically running around like a chicken with my head cut off. I felt a lot of anxiety in my stomach, and I knew it was time to call the doc next morning. Guess what? He took me off the WB, and I made an emergency appt.
The team of doctors I'm working with decided to load me full of Trileptal (I was at 600mg, and they decided to first double my dose, and eventually triple it to 1800mg by the end of this week). I started to feel my face, throat and trunk go numb after the first day. It really alarmed me, and I called my doctor. He said to go back down to 600mg. He's always asking me if there's something else I want to tell him, as though my side effects aren't real, and I just want to get attention and kill myself.
Of course, I wouldn't mind not living right now, but when I call my doc about SIDE EFFECTS, I'm alarmed about SIDE EFFECTS.I still feel numb, and I have a twitching nervousness in my legs and stomach.
I'm so tired of this!! My other options right now are depakote and zyprexa. And I just don't care anymore. Just take me on the paddy wagon already.
Please give me some support right now. Any advice is needed. When I started to feel desperate, I went to my parents, and my dad started to preach at me about how other people are "really" dying, and I need to pull myself up by my bootstraps, pray more and go to church. I'm really, really sad and frustrated.
I hope you guys are feeling well--I wouldn't wish this on anyone.
lovins,
Katy
poster:fluffy
thread:238206
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20031025/msgs/273605.html