Posted by BarbaraCat on September 11, 2003, at 18:53:01
In reply to Where's B-cat? (nm), posted by fluffy on September 11, 2003, at 17:49:04
Thanks for asking. Been a little preoccupied lately. I don't know why. I spin wheels alot and don't get much done when I'm neither depressed nor manic yet not quite alright either. The house is slowly cluttering up again, a sure sign that I'm losing my focus. Husband just got a double hernia operation so that should keep me busy being nurse for awhile.
Glad everyone is relatively OK. I empathise with you Katia about how thick headed pdocs can be. You just wish they'd take into account your whole being instead of as a lab experiment. I guess the insurance companies have hobbled alot of well intentioned doctors. Katia, do you qualify for any kind of state aid? Working 2 days a week, you can't be making much over the Federal poverty limit. You might be able to go on SSI or get some kind of state aid or insurance, or at least food stamps. It's worth looking in to. It's so damn hard to heal when the stress of financial worries are looming over you. I know you've said how most of these symptoms came on after starting Dep, but honey, they sure sound physical to me.
Why isn't someone paying more attention to you? All this stuff with your pdoc, the poems, paying, etc. aren't biggies in themselves, but taken together with the way you're feeling, you're not being listened to. You don't have a significant other to give you feedback or help out with anything when you're at the end of your rope. You need to get more, much more, from your care providers. You're paying this pdoc? He's falling down on the job, I'm afraid, and you can damn well tell him I said so. I've been to many and it's the dear souls who really care who notice 'hmmm, maybe this person needs a little more than I'm providing'. Money is always the issue. If you have questions about your dx and how he arrived at his speculations, you should ask. Have you had any mood assessment tests done? Has he ever mentioned the dreaded 'B' dx? No, not BP but BPD? No one wants to look at borderline disorder, but it's real, it's a fact and it's treated differently than BP.
You deserve to be talked to plainly and clearly about what's ailing you. You seem to be a strong-willed, very smart and creative person, but pardon me, a bit of a wimp when it comes to biting this guy on his nuts and not letting go until he jumps to your care. GRRRRR!! Now I'm getting mad, so hang on.
I don't know, Katia, maybe you write here when you're feeling really awful and the rest of the time you're maintaining OK. But if all the time you're riding the rollercoaster, it's just not good for you. It's causing way too much stress. The bottom line of this rant is this: you should (yes, I'm using the should word) you should tell your pdoc that you need much more help and much more quickly and that you need his help to get it. You need to go to some kind of Human Services office and find out about whatever kind of aid they can give you, medication assistance, medical, whatever. Keep on pushing for this. Call United Way, tell them what you're going through and ask them if they can suggest anything.
I'm pissed and you bloody well should be too. I'm also projecting because I've felt like I was totally losing it at times and felt like nobody responded as quickly as I needed, but I have insurance and have the luxury of knowing I can always check myself in somewhere. You don't and so I hope you can make it your mission to find out where you can get some assistance to get the help you deserve.
Maybe you're pretending nice for your pdoc? Maybe you don't let him know how this mad cycling is making you feel horrible because he won't like you? STOP IT!! This is not a personality contest! You're paying him to get better! If you need to talk to him about life issues that you feel are very relevant to your issues today then INSIST he listen to you, and if he doesn't, ask him WHY NOT??? These guys are not Gods, even though they get paid like they were. Jump up and down and tell him YOU FEEL LIKE SHIT AND YOU AIN'T GONNA TAKE IT NO MORE!!!!! Love, B-Cat
poster:BarbaraCat
thread:9730
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030907/msgs/259175.html