Posted by jay on June 12, 2003, at 21:47:32
Warning: Long and *needy*.
I've been asking about antipsychotics..and mainly because it looks like I will have to be on one permanently. I am kinda sad so fe responded with experiences. I now have very frequent explosive, rageful attacks, (DSM "Explosive Personality Disorder") and I haven't hurt anyone physically, but am starting to break things on purpose, put holes in walls, and aggressively swear at anybody who looks at me the wrong way, and now hate pretty much everybody and anything. I am even afraid to drive. I have also been banging my head against a wall and causing nasty bruises on a regular basis. I have no friggen idea why. I am still in touch, I think, with reality, but I also have many memory 'blackout' periods. I fear for my own life, because it is making some sence that I feel like for others around me would be much easier if I just ended it. I know how to do it..am not chicken to do it...and if decided to, that would be it. No half-hearted attempts..none of that...it would be over fast and quick..period.
I also cry all the time, and my anger usually comes through my tears. This part, the deep, rageful anger has been it's worst in the past two years.
I know about all the antidepressants..the benzos..and mood stabalizers...so I don't need any info on them, as they have made things worse often. When I went on Lithium, I spent 4 weeks phoning up every relative and friend who ever let me down and yelled at them for as long as possible and told them that I thought they where scum. The same feelings come with most other mood stablizers. Oh..and I'd rather be dead than do ECT...even if only slight memory risk, there is some chance of very bad risk...and a number of friends (the few I have) have said ECT can work for the depression..but not consistent explosive personality.
It's time to bring in the 'big guns'. Please...more than just one or two of you out there must have experience with wider ranges of antipsychotics. Once I get the anger soothed and such, then we will look at the other treatments for more common depression and such.
As far as what I have been on..smaller doses of Risperdal, Zyprexa, and Quintepine(?)..whatever it is called. Geodon, Apriprzol(sp?) and all others aren't avaialble in Canada..but I may talk to my doc about getting a "special medical need" import.
I'll even go to the ER tonight if I have to..I dunno...I am going to go and try to talk to my Dad. The problem is...he is a carbon-copy of me...on major meds for depression/explosive personality disorder...anxiety..etc.
There is only one word to sum this up: F**K! (Dr. Bob I didn't say the word..so none of your PBC stuff, alright? Man..)
Comments from some experienced users, and also folks with Borderline Personality problems, schizo-type personality..and even brain injuries, as I was born with a developmental disorder (ya..a "retard"!)..and had a bad tic problem that surfaces once in awhile.
Oh man...thanks for your comments..please..
Jay
poster:jay
thread:233570
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030609/msgs/233570.html