Posted by blkvettes on May 24, 2003, at 14:47:34
In reply to Re: Dif person lil' jimi, posted by Okpolosi on May 24, 2003, at 8:08:36
> I feel I have to expand on this topic......
>
> I was used to being my old self, down on myself, feeling worthless and undeserving. My dear Father who has been gone 13 years now (and I still miss him and think of him often), God rest his soul, was a verbally abusive man to all of us (Mom included), but I can NOT blame him because his father was a true Ogre. His upbringing was far worse than mine, and I truely beleive he loved us all and was doing the best he could.
>
> Regardless, I know where my problems come from, I understand how they work, and I should be able to deal with it all by now.....but it's never that easy, is it?
>
> And now there's Lexapro......It's helped in so many ways, and yet there is still that little nagging in the back of my head saying...it won't last...it's not right...not for you, my little pretty!!
>
> I have never enjoyed "talking" to someone about my problems, this is much easier!!!! And thanks for being there for me, if I can repay the favor....
>
> I guess I shall TRY to enjoy it, this different feeling that seems so alien, because tomorrow may be the day it all comes crashing down.
>
>
>
I could have written most of this myself. I did not have an abusive father. But did not grow up with mine. Divorce sucks!!!!!!!!! He was there and I spent great quality with him growing up. But I know its not the same as if he were there everyday. I also get the feeling that its not going to last feeling. Maybe thats why I have this insomnia. Maybe Im afraid I wont feel the same the next day. I have always kept my problems bottled up inside of me. In fact humor has masked ny feelings for most of my life. Yes, we need to enjoy each day to the fullest and hope it does not come crashing down. I can not start over again. I cant go through that pain again!!!
WAYNE
poster:blkvettes
thread:109458
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030520/msgs/228879.html