Posted by lil' jimi on May 24, 2003, at 11:44:39
In reply to Re: Dif person lil' jimi, posted by Okpolosi on May 24, 2003, at 8:08:36
hi okpolosi,
you have impressed me again ... you should be proud of yourself ... i feel soooo .......
...... HAPPY! that you are doing so well!!!!
> I feel I have to expand on this topic......
>
> I was used to being my old self, down on myself, feeling worthless and undeserving. My dear Father who has been gone 13 years now (and I still miss him and think of him often), God rest his soul, was a verbally abusive man to all of us (Mom included), but I can NOT blame him because his father was a true Ogre. His upbringing was far worse than mine, and I truely beleive he loved us all and was doing the best he could.
>
> Regardless, I know where my problems come from, I understand how they work, and I should be able to deal with it all by now.....but it's never that easy, is it?
>
> And now there's Lexapro......It's helped in so many ways, and yet there is still that little nagging in the back of my head saying...it won't last...it's not right...not for you, my little pretty!!
>
> I have never enjoyed "talking" to someone about my problems, this is much easier!!!! And thanks for being there for me, if I can repay the favor....
>
> I guess I shall TRY to enjoy it, this different feeling that seems so alien, because tomorrow may be the day it all comes crashing down.
>
>
>i find this all very very encouraging and hopeful .... the inspirational thing for me is your struggle, over which you've managed to survive and grow to this point where you can be so positive and constructively analytical.
i read this as you making progress .... real progress!
on the one hand, you suffered your symptoms so long and on the other, you suffered such bad SEs ..... shouldn't that serve to validate that you deserve to get to feel good ?.... finally!
analogy: you had been down so long you hadn't realized you'd been holding you breath ... and 'under water' (depressed) .... so that when you manage to find the surface, it's disorienting .... and when you get to break the surface and finally breathe, it seems alien, because it's so unfamiliar.
so now it is almost too fantastic to imagine that that much suffering could really be gone forever .... that we could be so blessed ...... why us ?
and this change is so great that that suffering person we know does not even seem to be related to this new alien breathing person .... ..
hey, what's that sound? there! There it is Again! ...it's ... laughter (!) ... and it's so close! ...it's ..... coming....from ....
...
.......me!
Impossible!!!
HA!and yes, ms okpolosi, i'd say we are rapporting here alright .....
as you have broached your issues with your dad, you have opened me up to considering my issues with my mom ..... aye, indeed there's work to be done there ..... she died june 3rd 2002 ..... you'll likely be hearing more about this, thank you in advance for that ..... and for all of this.and, No, it has never been easy ... i guess important things never are ..... but with lex it at least seems possible now.
i say we save our energy we'd waste worrying about deserving our new-found advantages, and instead use the advantages and that energy to steel ourselves for this anxiety about possible poop out ...... because worrying about our success is something which isn't rational but which we may control, whereas the risk of poop out is real, and it is rational to try to anticipate it and prepare a beneficial response ..... since we can have this much anticipation and its lead-in time and the strength and sanity to be able to prepare ....
what have people done when the other ADs have pooped on them? (oo, sorry for the bad mental picture) my gp mentioned effexor, but i'd hate to go there.
would a benzo supplement make sense? ... or maybe wellbutrin supplement? ....... i suggest these things Just in case we must see our paradise begin to melt .... never hurts to have back-up plans and the plans should help lessen the anxiety ... anxieties.Okpolosi, you're alright! you hang in there and just tough it out that we are goin to have to feel good now. Okay?
more later,
TAKE CARE!!!
~ jimp.s. my prayers to 2bornot2bnuts, in her time of suffering: May she find refuge from misery
~ j
poster:lil' jimi
thread:109458
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030520/msgs/228839.html