Posted by Snoozy on April 15, 2003, at 21:38:56
In reply to Depression, meds, working and ignorant supervisor, posted by jerrympls on April 15, 2003, at 20:42:45
Hi Jerry -
sorry you're in such a tough situation. Have you considered having your doctor talk to your boss? I know you said you don't want to tell them because they don't understand. A doctor might be able to explain exactly how debilitating depression is - you don't "take a day off" or "not feel like coming in today". Your doctor could also explain that you take treatments (without being specific) that cause very serious side effects and that you're working to find the best balance of medication/side effect. For example, I've been in the realm of meds for years, but I don't think I've heard about the implant. I'm sure your boss is sorely lacking in knowledge.
A lot of this depends on how comfortable you are with your doctor, of course. If it's a good relationship, you can talk to the dr about what he/she would say to your employer, and if there were things that you didn't want them to know.
Is it possible for you to estimate how much of your job you can do from home? Like 50% or 20%, whatever.
Can you make a list of all of the tasks you do - even the small or mundane - as part of your job?
I realize it's not possible to do that for a lot of jobs. Well, hopefully others will have ideas for you. I wish you luck!
> Maybe this post is supposed to be in a different forum - but who better to ask and talk to than everyone here in the med section.
>
> About 9 months ago I revealed to my supervisor my involvement in the VNS implant study and explained briefly about my severe clinical depression because it was effecting my work more and more.
>
> "Luckily" - I guess one could say - my supervisor was great and even tald me about a family member of hers who suffered the same.
>
> I certainly didn't want special treatment - but calling in sick more and more wasn't looking the best - especially to my other manager who became more and more frsutrated with my spotty appearences at work.
>
> After a couple months, all three of us had a meeting to discuss how we could make things better for all. They were really great about everything and will ing to help accomidate any needs in comliance w/ the ADA. Soon afterwards, they gave me a computer for home so I could work from home on days when the darkness became too visible.
>
> I wish I had a happy ending....however, in the past 2-3 months my manager has been increasingly drustrated with me due to a "lack of communication" on the days I opt to work from home. She and I had a meeting about this and I certainly agreed that I needed to convey things in a better way. We agreed on some loose arrangements for working from home.....let me stress the word "loose."
>
> The reason I am posting this here due to a couple of reasons:
> 1) To get any and all advice, experiences w/ workplace depression, etc.
> 2) To get some advice about how to convey some of my medications make me extremely hungover in the morning, etc - but without giving away my whole medical history.
> 3) To get some advice on meds that others have found helpful compared to the list (see below) that I currently take.
>
> With severe budget cuts looming over our dept. my anxiety level is sky-high constantly. But I am one of those employees who has specific duties that only I know how to do - which helps to save my butt. However, I come in a 8 am and work until 6:30-7pm everyday. NO LUNCH. I don't get comp time NOR do I ask. I just have soooo much to do, and a lot of it is that "behind-the-scenes" work - you know - not relly yielding consistant results - make sense?
>
> Anyway, these past weeks my anxiety is horrible because my research docs want me to see a new psych doc (ugh) and it jusst seems like none my of meds are helping at all - minus the dexedrine and xanax. Plus, my manager tells me to delegate some of my less important duties (like making a bulletin board - yeah - a bulletin board) to students - and I have been able to delegate a small amount. Long story short - I am responsible for many things that my manager sees as "not rocket-science" (when they actually kinda are because she still doesn't know how to trurn on her computer) and I can't get ahead...I'm tired...I'm filled with hate....I'm anxious...I take my work home with me and nevber seem to get anywhere. And IF I actually DO finish a project - most likely I won't get any direct priase - it usually goes to the tech guys (one of whom I helped train and his position is above mine).
>
> Here are my questions-
> 1) How can I call into work and explain I'm not doing well without going into detail?
> 2) How do I deal with supervisors/manager who give me a "that's a no-no" after a day or two of me being at home due to depression.
> 3) I take some very sedating meds jus tto be able to sleep - and I don't want to tell my manager any of this because I have gotten a clear signals that, while she has said she worries about me, she has no clue what depression is or how it effects mood, etc.
> 4) What do I need to do to NOT feel guilty if I decide to stay home and work? Even tho at our very first meeting w/ my manager and top supervisor - said they completely understand. However, every time I come back to work after being "sick" I get this passive-aggressive attitude from them. Once, my supervisor emailed me and said she was disappointed because I had chosen to take off a day that was very busy for the dept. and many arrangement had to be made to cover my shift. Well, I wrote back to her reminding her that I had an experimental IMPLANT in my chest and I do not have control over how/when it works or needs to be fine-tuned. After that message she calmed down.
>
> As a said before - budget cuts looming and layoffs a very real possibility - I need to protect myself. I've been told my both manger and supervisor that I "do exceptional work," many times. It's all a mess - but it isn't. Th main prob is with my direct manager - she makes comments like "I know it's not the greatest to have your illness- like not feeling like doing things and stuff...." Yeah - she said that.
>
> Anyway, I just don't want to use my depression and/or treatment as a scapegoat - but it certainly does effect things.
>
> I have an appointment to see one of our Employee Asst. counselors tomorrow along with a specialist with Disability Services.
>
> I really really do great work - but it's alot of stuff they don't or won't see directly. If they lay me off -I don' t know what I would do...
>
> Sorry for such a terribly long email. I don't know if it makes any sense at all - I'm just so worried and mad and burned out.
>
> Anyone? Anyone w/ similar experiences? advice? anything!
>
> Here are my meds:
> Seroquel 300mg/night for sleep
> 80mg Dexedrine spansules (2 cap. 4 times a day)
> Lexapro 40mg (I think?)
> Xanax - .5mg 3x daily
> Ambien - 20mg for sleep
> Omega-3/6 fish oil concentrate -3-5grams/daily
> Androgel 5mg topical
> Hydrocortisone - 10mg in the morn
>
> I also take ahandful of meds for asthma, GERD, and adult acne.
>
> Oh - and my Borg implant.
>
> So....there it is...*sigh*.........help.......
>
> Jerry......
poster:Snoozy
thread:219670
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030411/msgs/219685.html