Posted by androog on February 25, 2003, at 11:10:34
In reply to Re: Near the end., posted by blah on February 25, 2003, at 7:49:37
hi blah,
man, your are in a world of hurt. i think everyone in this group knows what that is like. when i felt like you do i couldn't believe that anyone was even close to feeling as bad as i did. i thought i was the most hurtin'ist thing on earth and it couldn't be matched by any living thing.but i was wrong. i felt like that and am alive today to tell about it.
right now, this is no consolation to you. you're at the end of your rope and words are hollow. everyone keeps telling you try this and try that, but you've tried this and that and it hasn't helped. you're probably tired of hearing all these bits of advice and really only want a magic pill that will take it all or most of it away FAST. you're frustrated, hopeless, lonely, angry and tired.the thought of going to an emergency room for help probably makes you want to scream because you think nobody will care or try to relieve your pain with drugs designed to treat physical pain.
i remember thinking that if i had a broken leg or some serious injury, nobody would expect me to go through endless trials to get some relief. what you're feeling right now is not much different than extreme physical pain. problem is, the powers in charge have most likely never felt the agony of major depression. in the back of their minds the're probably thinking "there's no blood, no quantifying evidence of pain. it can't be all that bad", if they're thinking at all. but they're wrong. your hurt is coming at you from all angles and not just through some pain receptor in your brain, so it's even worse than a broken leg.
i have no magic bullet to offer you and words have long since lost their effect, BUT, i have a question. you said you had ordered some ultram online. have you recieved it yet? if so, have you tried it? if you haven't tried it yet, then there is some immediate hope. i felt EXACTLY the way you describe and the tramadol pulled me right through it. i'm not kidding or trying to stall you. i was totally suicidal one minute and the next i felt an interest in life and was eager to do things. things that dragged me down to the bottom of despair an hour ago became minor nuisances that i could deal with.
i just read a quote from a research doc who said what i've been thinking all along but have not found the words for. he said this regarding antidepressants, but it also describes the way the tramadol has worked for me "we think the drugs allow people to recover. we think they work at quite a cognitive level. they change the biases that exist in the brain to see the bad in things versus the good."
this was my exact experience with ultram. i felt no physical change at all. my attitude just did a 180 degree turn. obstacles were much easier to face and hardly bothered me at all.
i'm saying this because you have a litany of things that seem insurmountable right now, especially the lonliness and need for the comfort a significant other. real physical contact and not just more words.
i want to tell you that once you get past the major depression the other things will start to fall in place because you will feel capable of dealing with them. they'll be a challenge that you're finally up to.
i know i'm not supposed to hand out medical advice here, but i can't just sit by and watch you work your way into suicide. give the tramadol a chance. don't take more than a couple and give them an hour and a half to work. don't be tempted to take a handful. more is not better in this case, and i'd tell you if it were.
PLEASE let us know when you've tried this. AND PLEASE DON'T KILL YOURSELF! believe it or don't, we need stories like yours here. they remind us all of how bad this thing is and that we're not alone in feeling this way. if the ultram helps you, it can help others by giving them hope; letting them know something can actually help.
you can't undo suicide and who knows what awaits us on the other side? probably not ultram.
hang on and let us know what happens with the ultram.
i may get booted off this chat room by singing the praises of tramadol, but, for crying out loud, don't do anything until you've tried it. and if it doesn't help, let us know about that, too. i am totally convinced that there is some unorthodox treatment that will help you.
androog
poster:androog
thread:81414
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030224/msgs/203700.html