Posted by LAURA777 on February 2, 2003, at 20:01:41
In reply to Re: opiates and depression please read!!, posted by bee happy on February 1, 2003, at 22:42:06
hi , thanks for the info , it seems that i see that another person on this board started to expierience symptoms at age 12 years , that is when mine started !!! and the older i get the worse it seems to be !!! i do NOT have anxiety, i have NEVER been manic .. just the oppisite .. everything in my life is a push to do .. also i want to add that on the deppression questionaire when they ask " have you lost interest in things that used to be enjoyable ?" i am stuck because nothing is or was , unless you go back before i was 12 years .. grey grey grey it is now . and sleep is my only escape and thank God i do not suffer insomnia !!! just the oppisited i am hypersomnia .. now my question is , 11 years ago i abused heroin .. will they not proscribe me
buprenorphine because of this ??
i have a wonderful therapist and have made great strides in my issues ... shame self esteem and such .. i like who i am today truly .. but i must tell you that it is so hard to function when nothing gives you pleasure , i wonder how people do this life thing .. to me it is sooo boring .. i read books but it looses flavor very quickly .. i hate alcohol because it dulls my thinking and makes me more dull altogether , yuk yuk yuk , when i take any narcotic , i am awake , more clearheaded and i have energy !! interest and motivation .. i hate stimulants too because they make me anxious and more awake with my BOREDOM .. it is just awful ,, here is a list of drugs that i have tried so far and none have worked
zoloft with adavan ( i do not like valum because i just get stupid and sleepy and more flat )
prozac alone 40 mg
prozac with welbutrin
effexor
all these in varying dosages ..
ANHEDONIA is my biggest complaint . i just sit here not wanting to do anything because nothing gives me reward , but yet i do not want to just sit here it is soo maddening i have trouble even deciding what to eat and make for dinner and i have to push to do all tasks , some days i do nothing and sleep but this is sooo miserable .. i have had this for so long i thought everyone was like this until i looked around , people had hobbies , interests .. where the hell were mine ?? this effects my life soooo much , and it effects my kids life too because i do not want to do anything .. and i tell you , will i have to go through the thousands of meds before they even consider treatment with buprenorphine ??? because i have investigate the chemical compositions of these drugs and they do not target the areas of the brain that i need help in .. yes stimulants target dopamine but in the wrong areas and they just make me anxious and more depressed , i have always steered clear of them illeagal ones as well as legal .. for instance in my teen years i tried cocaine and it made me soo sooo depresssed really bad that i never touched it again .. i mean here i was awake from the stimulant properrty of it and feeling as black as black can be .. i also investigated the effects on cocaine on the brain and then opiates and they act on different areas as well as a couple of the same ... i am no pharmocologist but i have been reading tons ..
and what i have read so far on the meds that are available none come near the chemicals that i may need or they are partial .. so my recovery will always be incomplete .. with the adhedonia not being touched ..
I do not want to end up like my mother , she does nothing all day but sleep and watch tv , she takes xanex for anxiety , i do not suffer from anxiety though ... i do NOT have a fear of people either or of places , it just there is no interest ,, How do i describe this , it is just awful , are we so rare that no one has looked into this ????
My husband has a script of vicodin and i ask him for 2 of them .. they are 5/500 ,, he gets mad at me and says i have a problem .. i am no drug addict believe me .. but when one can feel patially normal God if feels good .. the vicodin though is not long acting and fades within hours and i am back where i started .. not to mention what the acetaphetamine is doing to my liver !!!
hey bee , can you please provide me with the links you were speaking of so that i can show them to my primary care doctor ???? i have tried to find them but only found one , that one being the harvard study ... sorry this is so long winded but i have finally found someone who understands .. and would love to talk more with you about it .. do people normally feel up on vicodin or is it just people like us that do ?? is this an indication of what we suffer from ??
i need all the back up that i can possiblly have.. I pray that my primary care doctor will understand . and at least try it for a few days , i do not care if i have to submit to urine test everyday !!! i will . please write back bee .. i thank you soooo much .. laura
> Laura, Your story is all to familiar....especially the sleeping to escape the utter grayness of daily life. It's called anhedonia...an inability to experience joy....even in the things that once gave you a real kick.(For me it was knitting and even reading....I couldn't concentrate to read for over two years!!!Hell! You might want to read my post of Jan 27th. After trying a whole list of antidepressants my doctor finally found some research on using Buprenorphine for depression and agreed to try it. I have been on it for 6 months now and it has saved my life. It has just recently been approved for treating opiate addiction and will soon be availble in the U.S. If you have a compassionate family doctor you might ask if he or she would be willing to let you try it for just a few days. You will probably know right away if it works for you. I knew immediately. In those posts from a few days ago there is a message containg the internet address of the research used as the basis for my treatment. Perhaps armed with that information, and alot of patience you will find a doctor willing to help. Don't give up, dear. It's just a matter of time...and yes, the weeks seem like years when you're in pain. My search took two years.My first move was to talk to a psychologist...who sent me to the Psychiatrist...who after consulting with my family doctor agreed there must be something to this. Yes, he monitors me very closely,but the last thing i would do is jeoparize losing the one thing that makes me feel life is worth living by abusing it. I'm sure there must be many many more people like us...we need to speak out, help each other and start some sort of "dread not opiates movement".It's time has come. If i can help...let me know on this board and I'll do what i can. Hang in there. Bee
poster:LAURA777
thread:138558
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030130/msgs/138997.html