Posted by zinya on November 23, 2002, at 0:01:21
In reply to Re: I am scared of this medicine, HELP ME!, posted by dde on November 22, 2002, at 22:25:58
thank you, dde... and i'm sooo sorry to hear of your own loss ... As my mom had had the experience of losing her son, my brother, i can imagine from close proximity the added grief of such a loss... And I wish *you* well ...
i have days (or rather hours of each day) when i feel it's still so recent - and it was all too sudden so that i still have recurrent flashes of denial mixed in -- that i 'forgive' myself or indulge myself or whatever it is for having zero energy and doing nothing but the minimalist of tasks and sometimes getting rather bleak. But interwoven with those voices are others that surface which are more "social" voices and especially "American" voices that are in me whether i believe they're "right" or not and they berate me or even shame me a bit as floundering and thinking i should have more energy by now, that this vegetative-seeming state should be further ... I know cognitively to be wary of "shoulds" -- and i do attend a bereavement group every 2wks -- although it's possible that missing the last meeting was either a cause or an effect of gettiing to a place where i finally this week started thinking i had "gone long enough" -- and one particularly horrid night's sleep Wed. night waking with awful thoughts and anxieties about the future too made me think i had to start some kind of a-d ... despite some past experiences, as i mentioned earlier that never yielded any relief ... But i am now -- as I sense you are suggesting -- pausing a bit more before starting, being reminded (thankfully - whatever i decide) for this website giving me your voices and helping me at least be more aware of a bunch of pros and cons that i would otherwise have been potential ambushes i could ill afford (who can?) ... With holidays coming up i think i may have also started to feel a bit panicky in a way (an energyless sort of way) cuz like many, it seems, i have trouble on the inside during this season even though i didn't usually show it ... but indeed, perhaps i can weather some more time to see that grief's process before adding meds to the mix... In he interim, i'm starting even tonight to think that now five days since having any alcohol, which i had let become a rather nightly way to take the edge off, even though it wasn't much, it was pretty routine and laying off alcohol since last Sunday might be starting to pay off a bit too... Thanks for the encouragement.
And again my deepest condolences to you, de...
poster:zinya
thread:13781
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20021122/msgs/128866.html