Posted by Blah on October 22, 2002, at 13:46:51
In reply to Re: For Blah.. what I sensed about you, posted by Pfinstegg on October 18, 2002, at 16:46:14
For now my pdoc wants to stick to the Nardil. I don't know bout the cortisol (never heard of that before) but in physicals my thyroid has been declared normal many times. We didn't get to talk of these extra mesures yet cause of a scheduling mix up I had to talk to her on the phone, but she was definetly against adding other drugs (like lithium) at this point. She upped my Nardil from 60mg a day to 75mg (an extra 15mg at night). She wanted to cut my Klonopin down cause of my lethargy, but I told her the lethargy is nothing new especially now that I have lost more hope than before. I still feel the klonopin helps with some of the anxiousness, though maybe I should use the ambien less. But most of my tiredness and lethargy is caused by depression, I've felt it all my life, but now with the even greater loss of hope none of my distractions really work anymore, and I can't work on anything I want to unless its something involving other people. I'm feeling a bit better hanging around people i know well again, but other people just make me selfconsious. I know none of the women I know are interested, even the ones I had thought could be, and I know it will be like that with all the women I meet now, Its been that way for so long, and knowing that hurts. When I'm alone I sometimes have all this anger at them, but more at myself for being so unattractive. Because of the Nardil I can't ejaculate when i masterbate for at least an hour or two. When this happened on Paxil a few years ago it was kind of amusing, but now that I have lost all romantic hope its just a pain. In fact Masterbation itself lost most of its pleasure months ago. It even depresses me cause it feels like the closest I'll ever get to sex . I became particularly hopeless a month ago when this women I found somewhat attractive seemed to show intrest, but then later made it clear she wasn't interested by saying she didn't want to date for a while, and by saying I shouldn't either till I worked myself out (of course this is all I've been doing for the last 23 years, alone, and often taunted). I reallized then more than ever that romance didn't exist for me, women show what could be interest maybe once a year. This was especially hit home when as her "guy friend" she talked about her dismay at these two guys she'd been making out with. This really pissed of my therapist, it kind of shows how all this talk of fixing yourself before you can be with people is just Bullshit. My lethargy is just so bad, Nardil better do something soon. Obviously, I'm just a lepper now. I just hurt so much sometimes, the emptyness alone could kill me.
poster:Blah
thread:117296
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20021019/msgs/124713.html