Posted by amy_oz on September 17, 2002, at 18:34:18
In reply to Re: There is none, posted by Eddie Sylvano on September 17, 2002, at 10:14:44
Hi,
Thanks all for your replies its nice to know that theres some people out there that understand. I think that the thing that has scared me the most about my recent experiences is that I used to be passionate about life, just unbelievably sad. I think my anxiety/depression has a lot to do with a number of traumatic experiences over the last 5 years + SAD + an amazing genetic predisposition (80% mums side, 50% dads side, with a number permanently on medication). I've been struggling barely keeping my head above water, you know its ok to be sad right now, my best friend has died, or I have glandular fever, or I've just moved countries and don't know anyone yet....+ more etc.etc. Always the thought that I'll be happy in the future.....my crash came when things started going right (oh the irony) I was still ridiculously sad....then comes the thought that I'll never, ever, be happy..........Many years ago (before depression) i had the thought that there is no inherent meaning to life. I actually found it uplifting cause life suddenly becomes what you make it! I chose love, music, friends, family, creativity and science (I'm a science communicator for the National Science and Tech Centre in Australia).
I can remember having these thoughts and I think a little is now coming back but its so difficult to feel it when you're in a depressive state.
Thanks to all for pointing out that it could be partially the medication cause it gives me a weapon to fight back to my head with.I've finally managed to find a psychologist to see me soon (next week) and have seen my medical doctor who doesn't want me to switch just yet but will fast track me to a psychiatrist next month if I don't improve.
Cheers,
Amy
poster:amy_oz
thread:119967
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20020914/msgs/120177.html