Posted by Squiggles on September 9, 2002, at 10:24:52
In the past seven years or so, I have had to
go through many medical misadventures, that
were traumatizing:- (thyroid storm in which
i could not sleep for more than 3 hrs per night
and had heart-attack like panics with the Emergency
called every now and then and profuse sweating,
palpitations, etc. - for about 6 months; until
the dose was finally taken down to a tolerable level.- broken foot (requiring crutches for a few months;
I think this was after my Rivotril was raised and i
got dizzy;- i was getting withdrawal and dyspnea from Rivotriland
had to sit up on all fours to breathe until the
drug was processed - somehow this happened when close
to the lithium drug;- two drug withdrawals (difficult years and risk in effort)
- about 12 years of daily panic attacks before i discovered it was
the Xanax;- 13 teeth removed under general anaesthesia
because of panic attacks and consequent awkward
speaking and eating; a 4 hour operation, with
difficult recovery from the drug interactions;
- hypothyroidism which in itself makes
me tired and has made me gain a lot of weight
- and the seizure/stroke episode,- along with the
peripheral neuropathy of my hands where i had
to wear stilts for 3 months;I'm really tired. And I think that people
near me are tired of having to put up with me
in that state for all these years - i used to
be a very energetic and vivacious woman;
It has taken a lot out of me emotionally and
psychologically, and also the pro and anti- psychiatric war on the
net, has left me exhausted.Presently, I find peace in solitude. I really
don't like socializing. Not only because I am
tired, but because i have diarrhea every morning
(and that can be anywhere from one to 4 hours
after waking up - very sudden) and i have to drug up
every hour - making it socially inelegant to say the least. So, I do
a lot of work and stuff at home. I am also very
self-conscious that my psycopharmacological state
won't remain steady while i am with people, e.g.
vertigo, headache, sweating, my appearance -- what do you say --
i usually apologize with a tale that i have a
thyroid disorder - but it's humiliating.I don't mind living secluded, but my husband
is worried about me
and my net addiction, particularly my obession
with trying to find out if they didn;t fuck up
just on the maintenance therapy but on the diagnosis
as well. He thinks i should get out more and
not be so isolated, and just accept the fact that
if a mistake was made, there is no reversing it;
and i am stablized now.Somehow, from my life experience, I just can't
believe that would be really good for me. I really
am tired.Does anyone else feel like that? Is it so
abnormal?Squiggles
poster:Squiggles
thread:119365
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20020906/msgs/119365.html