Posted by katekite on May 31, 2002, at 12:01:51
In reply to Re: obsessive searching, posted by automatedlady on May 31, 2002, at 10:08:58
Hi,
I'm just joining this thread, haven't read the older messages...
but wanted to chime in with "my parents took 10 years to understand". What it took was me getting a professional diagnosis.... then them complaining to their friends that their darn daughter had gone to some head-shrinker, could they believe that?.... then a few of their friends, said, well actually they themselves took meds or had had problems in the past. Once a couple of their friends told them it was a real issue, they came around.
So several points:
1. Our parents generation did the stiff upper lip thing never talked about emotion and believed illness equalled weakness. Only by seeing members of their own generation who they like or admire admit to not being always healthy, will they see that it really happens to people who aren't visibly crazy.2. Parents like to be in denial: they want to believe that their kids are completely healthy because either it would reflect poorly on them as parents or they would have to admit that they don't have 100% control over their children.
What can we do to help them see?
1. get a professional diagnosis and tell them what it is. See a therapist who will have excellent advice on what to do about them. Buy them a book about it (expect them to be dismissive).
2. tell them (to the degree its possible) that it has nothing to do with them, that we don't blame them etc. that we still like them.
3. tell them to ask their friends about it or please, just for us, to read something about whatever the diagnosis is.
4. tell them what we need from them: for example if we're depressed, asking them to encourage us to exercise, etc. Specific, small, easy things that will actually make a difference. Not just 'support' because they have no idea at this point what that might be. Then thank them for it if it happens.
5. Wait, and try not to have huge fights. Try to find alternate places for support.
kate
poster:katekite
thread:106985
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20020525/msgs/108172.html