Posted by sid on May 16, 2002, at 11:26:51
In reply to GP telling you this sid?, posted by katekite on May 16, 2002, at 10:53:55
Thanks Kate.
Well, I'm angry with my family a lot. But I have reasons to be (see below). I never talked of group therapy with my doc. I don't like groups in general - referring to the Meyers-Briggs personality types, I'm INTP. I'll bring her some literature on INTPs, she'll get the drift. This is who I am, period.
The clinic she recommended is very good, but they treat people with several previous suicide attempts, problems in social functioning, who went to prison, who self-mutilate, etc. I don't correspond to any of that. I'd feel like a dog on a bowling alley if I went there. I've had depression for 8 years and dysthymia for 21 years. That screws a person up, with or without BPD. I was very angry and agressive during my major depression, but that's over now. I have problems with my family that are not resolved, and they will never be. I've learned to live with that, except at times, it still gets to me. My brother-in-law sexually abuse me most of my life and he refuses to apologize for it - apparently I don't have a sense of humour. It was funny to him. It still is - he does not touch me anymore (I threatened to kill him if he ever did again - it took that much for the moron to get that it was inappropriate), but he still says a lot of stuff. What he'd like me to do and what he'd like to do to me. He also says that if I ever have kids it'll be through artificial insemination - he's too stupid to realize that if I don't have a boyfriend, it's because of him. Well. So my doc thinks I'm BPD because I don't have a boyfriend and I don't want one. Easy to understand: I was disgusted by men at an early age - anybody can understand that much. And no, that does not make me a lesbian; I get that question all the time and I,m so fed up of having to defend my lifestyle, even with my doc, for goodness' sake! It just makes me someone who'd rather live her life independently and never have anyone tell what to do, when to do it or how to do it. Freedom and happiness are what I strive for. I never attempted suicide, I never self-mutilated, I always pay my credit card bills in full at the end of each month, I don't gamble, I have few, but very close, friends, etc. If my doc is not happy with that, that's fine, I don't live to please her. I couldn't care less about her opinion of me.
However, if she continues to bother me with that, I will ask for a referral to see someone else. I don't have to waste my energy defending myself this way. It's funny, because she also treats my sister for depression and she told her she doesn't need meds. My sister literally hits her head on the wall at times because she gets so angry and out of control with daily things, such as washing the dishes - her kids even make jokes about it. And the doc dumps this BPD crap on ME. Also, my sister saw her husband abuse me many times and laughed! But I'm the one who's supposedly screwed up. I speak 5 languages, I'm a University professor, and my sister cannot go to the garage alone to get her car fixed, but I'm the one with BPD. I went away with herm her husband and my Mom last weekend, and she did not leave my side one minute! What are you doing? Where are you going? Can I go with you? I almost told her to let me breathe a bit. I wanted to sip a beer at the hotel bar and work (I brought correction to do with me - final exam time), but I couldn't even do that. She stuck to me like... I don't even know what. But our doc thinks I have BPD. Go figure that one out!
Anyway. I need to just forget about this. I've gone to therapists several years and nobody ever told me I had BPD. I was simply told I'm INTP, and it explains my detachment from reality (daily tasks bore me to death), my interest for abstract concepts (University professor), and my need for solitude on a daily basis to get some energy. I do believe I should see someone else (a pdoc or another GP) because I'm losing confidence in this doc; I don't like to be controlled, not even by a doc. She keeps telling me that I need to change, and frankly, it's none of her business. I don't ask her about her sex life! Why does she bother me? I go to her for a prescription, period. I did the therapy thing, I changed what I wanted to change, the rest I'm fine with.
There - that was a mouthful!!! :-)
- sid
poster:sid
thread:106027
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20020510/msgs/106650.html