Posted by trouble on March 26, 2002, at 22:23:57
In reply to Hate drug?, posted by OldSchool on March 25, 2002, at 18:43:51
Hey Old School,
I believe that was the first post of yours I've seen where you talked about your inner life. I feel more connected to you now, I do think about you alot, have more internal debates w/you than anyone else on the board.
I've been a rage-a-holic most of my life, and much like the others it was stone cold medication to the rescue. I'm still really mad, but nothing like the reckless endangerment I used to pose.You know I go for the non-linear shit, so if I lose ya here, point taken, no disrespect.
I believe the human Soul exists for a reason, though it is by definition a dark place. I believe we are supposed to bow to our Soul and find out what it wants, and if our entire being should fall into descent that's the price we pay for peering into the abyss.
I falled, straight down, for so fucking long I couldn't help but learn a few things. Most of it sucked.
All of it sucked. Years. People saying Hi how ya doin, I'd look square in the eye and answer "I am in hell. Hell is other people. I got that from a book. You ever read a BOOK?" I dare you to kill me.I don't want to kill people anymore, I don't even wanna hurt them, much. I don't really want to know what changed beyond taking my meds and going to therapy twice a week for twenty-one years.
My Soul's still crackin and fackin on what's going down, and I appreciate that, I say Good Soul, what marvelous critical gifts you bring me, the stomach you got for absolute clarity, you're my weapon, my ridicule, my dementia, my meanstreak, you've worked your way into my bones and I'll never deny you, it's safe for you to let go of the wheel now, your scrawny little step-sister, Spirit wants in on the act, places she's been waiting to go, up, high, light, somewhere, airy, don't ask me I'm just the chronicler, numbers cruncher looking at the balance sheet "dark night of descent-paid in full," one more outstanding debt to go, and it is an obligation, a balance due, fair is fair, looks like some sort of yin/yang thang, earned the old fashioned way, blood, sweat, tears, and well worth it.
do keep me posted,
trouble
poster:trouble
thread:100102
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20020322/msgs/100433.html