Posted by JeffH on October 26, 2001, at 15:54:23
I'm a lurker who is coming out of the shadows. I've felt a bit like a peeping tom having never posted before, but, every time I've had a question, I found it answered. Elizabeth, JohnL, AndrewB, Diane D, SalArmy4me, as well as others, you are like gods to me in a sense; I know you exist and feel your presence but are unseen to me while exerting your awe-inspiring influence from "out there somewhere".
My story is similar to so many who post here. Struck down 33 years ago at age 13 with overpowering dysthymia/anhedonia, sprinkled with major depression and social/performance anxiety at various times. Behind me is a debris trail of misery, including loss of dream jobs, destruction of marriage and family, alcohol abuse, self isolation, flirtations with suicide, etc. However, this is one place where one need not play the pity card -- we all know too well the suffering these hideous diseases cause.
I now believe that my problems have to do with some malfunction of my endogenous opioid system. Through 20 years of treatments, including countless drug regimens, three hospitalizations, ECT, and talk therapies of all kinds, I strongly suspected that my problems stemmed from some major player in the game yet unaddressed, and unlikely to be addressed, and hence my obsessive research these past ten months via a dozen books, internet sites, constructing family trees of mental afflictions, medical journals, and the like. But it wasn't until I put together a list a month ago that things started to click. You see, there have been a dozen times during my life that I was granted a respite from this disease, lasting anywhere from a few hours to a couple of days. During that time, everything was beautiful (I was simply being "normal") before gradually, minute by minute, fading away. Before, every time I had brought this up to a psychiatrist, the red lights flashed and a diagnosis of bipolar or cyclothymia was immediately thrown at me. Yet lithium and mood stabilizers had no positive effects, and, even before I tried them, I knew instinctively that I was on the wrong track once again.
As I made the list, I realized that each one of them had been triggered by an experience involving extremely intense exercise, sex, or a positive emotional experience. These "emotional jolts" (I'm surmising now) somehow caused a release or flooding of some pleasure chemicals that brought profound relief before being cleansed out of my system. This led me to endorphins which led me to finding out about our opoiod systems which led me back to, specifically, Elizabeth's posts. All of a sudden, given my research and symptoms, and the fact that nothing else had ever worked, made Elizabeth's experiences very profound.
I'm a teacher on the Navajo Reservation in Arizona, live in a small town in New Mexico, and thus my access to quality psychiatric medicine is severely limited. (I've had to travel long-distance to Albuquerque.) Yet my current family doc is a friend of mine. I brought up the opioid system as a player in depression to him, showed him the studies of buprenorphine, methadone, and others in treatment-resistant depression, and almost immediately won him over. (Last Sunday, I knowingly trod on sacred ground, his own home, burst into his basement where he was woodworking, and thrust even more evidence, including some posts from psycho-babble, into his hands.)
Yet, in spite of his admitting that he sees more patients for depression than just about anything else, and problems with depression in his own family tree, he will not write me a prescription for an opiate without an outside consult. However, I readily understand his reluctance into jumping into this novel treatment. He volunteered to personally call psychiatrists in Albuquerque on Wednesday. Predictably, he ran into the same reluctance and resistance that posters on this board have run into. One psychiatrist, associated with the university, told him that he'd have to pay hiw way into a one-day training course before he could prescribe any opiates.
We talked at length last evening. He told me that I should jump on a plane as soon as I could to an appointment with one of the doctors who are treating the posters on this board, are thoroughly familiar with and advocates of treating refractory depression with opiates, and, through a consult from afar, work up a plan for treating my depression. He is especially enamored with the University of Chicago, told me that there are least 22 Nobel Laureates associated with the University, and would prefer that I get a consult with a physician who has priveleges with the U. of Chicago. It would be great to go to the Chicago area because my brother lives there. However, he would accept a knowledgeable doctor anywhere in the U.S.
Dr. Bob, Elizaeth, DianeD, JohnL, AndrewB, Glenn Fagelson, ShelliR, Cece, Rudiger, SalArmy, or others not mentioned? Would you know of a psychiatrist (possibly yours) who would do a consult with my family doctor who would supervise a trial of an opiate(s)? Please let me know as soon as possible if you know of anyone. If your prefer, you could email me a jhammons9@hotmail.com.
You are all incredible people and survivors. At the risk of sounding like I'm buttering you up (I'm not), I admire you all for your perseverance, intelligence, and willingness to stick around and advise others on this board.
-- Jeff
poster:JeffH
thread:82364
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20011025/msgs/82364.html