Posted by androog on October 24, 2001, at 21:17:42
In reply to Re: opiates and major depression » androog, posted by Elizabeth on October 22, 2001, at 11:43:48
hi folks,
well it's been an interesting week. the pdoc who said he couldn't find enough evidence supporting my claim that ultram really eased my depression, referred me to another doc he thought might be more willing to go out on a ledge. I called this doc, but he charged $500 just to walk in the door and, of course, said he couldn't guarantee he'd try me on anything like ultram.
i got on the internet and went to my walgreen's account and discovered that prior to january 2001, two pdocs had prescribed ultram for me. this was before i had ECT and i had no recollection of it. one of the two who had previously prescribed it for me was a referral that i had gotten from my current pdoc (doc 1). i don't know if i mentioned it before, but doc 1 is strictly by-the-book, and very methodical. i had asked him about ultram numerous times before, but my request fell upon deaf ears.
anyway, i called the doc (doc 2) who had prescribed the full dose of 400mg in the past, and asked if he could give it another try, this time in conjunction with my current anti-depressants. he didn't want to go around doc 1 and suggested i give doc 1 another try and if there were any problems, to have doc 1 call him, doc 2.
confused yet? i'm not done.
i called doc 1, told him of the conversation i had had with doc 2, and much to my surprise, doc 1 said he had recently come across evidence supporting my claims about ultram.
exonerated at last! maybe.
doc 1 won't prescribe any ultram for me without my first coming in to see him. this guy has no clue as to how awful major depression is. if i had a broken leg, would he have me come in to see him in a month (that's when his next opening is)? i don't think so. i find that very few people who have never had it can appreciate the full intensity of major depression. they seem to think it's sadness, and will just eventually go away of its own accord. i think of it as being handcuffed 24 hrs a day to a terrorist. the terrorist is the voice in my head that keeps saying, "i ain't going anywhere, so you might as well just kill yourself. it'll only get worse, and anyone you tell this to will be incapable of understanding the seriousness of this threat. so just do it."
well, i've managed to get an appointment with doc 1 tomorrow by explaining the whole predicament to his very-understanding receptionist. won't he be surprised to see me so soon? he looks at the floor a lot when i talk about stuff that he's not comfortable with, such as my depression.
i'll let you all know the results of tomorrow's appointment. i'm not giving it a lot of hope. i can already see him giving me a script for 100mg a day, which just doesn't cut it. i know - i've tried. it'll take at least the full 400mg to get me back to the point where i can finally start making a living again. and, after awhile, it'll take more than that. tolerance to this type of medication is inevitable, so i'm going to keep trying to get my tramadol (ultram) overseas. it's a lot cheaper, is every bit as effective, and doesn't leave me dependent on someone who doesn't have a clue, other than an intellectual one, to the severity and relentlessness of this beast. book knowledge, yes. street smarts, no.
also, i'm going to try to get out from underneath doc 1 and start seeing doc 2 instead. it's a political quagmire since they know each other, but i think doc 2 is more tuned-in to the nastiness of major depression
thanks once again for hearing me out. i know that my whining to my wife about this eventually just starts to get her down. she's stood by me throughout this ordeal and has helped me immensely. but after awhile even the strongest of people get tired of hearing about all of this negativity. that's where a dicussion group like this can really help. thanks to you, too, dr. bob for providing this forum.
i look forward to the day when i can shutup and get back to the things i once enjoyed. and at this point, i have no qualms whatsoever about being dependent on drugs to get me there.
best of luck to all of you,
androog
poster:androog
thread:81414
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20011015/msgs/82230.html