Posted by sweetmarie on August 11, 2001, at 10:48:46
hi
I`ve just got back home after being discharged from hospital, where I`ve been for 4 months now.
I was started on Mirtazapine/Venlafaxine/Lamotragine after 3 weeks in hospital. So, in total, I`ve been on this combination for 13 weeks. However, I`ve only been on `top dose` Venlafaxine (375 mg - as high as my consultant wants to take it) for 8 weeks. Over the time that I`ve been in hospital, my mood has been gradually improving from rock bottom (what I describe as `0 out of 10`) to better than that - i.e. about 3 out of 10 average (I find it easier to `log` my mood in numerical terms). Last w/end was a bit of a `breakthrough`, I felt, and I actually woke up 2 days in a row feeling O.K. as opposed to totally cruddy and wanting to stay in bed all day.
However, this past week has been very difficult, and my mood has been very low. Today is hideous.
There`s lots going on for me, though, not least leaving the `safety` of hospital, where I was being monitored and talked to on a regular basis (the nurse/patient contact is quite intense there). Obviously, I`ve left behind friends that I have made over the past months.
Also, I now have the prospect of going back to living alone again - I`ve been staying at my parents` place on my `home leaves`. I am also aware that I need to motivate myself to do things now - I won`t have nurses/doctors/parents to do this for me. If I don`t keep up some kind of activity/social contact, I am more likely to find myself `back` where I was. My flat is where I was when my illness was at it`s worst, and I associate it with those times. To be quite honest, I`m feeling VERY scared and anxious about the whole thing.
So, I`m facing `the rest of my life`, if you see what I mean. Nightmare.
Could this be the reason behind my drop in mood? I felt that I was actually getting somewhere prior to this last week.
I was told by the consultant treating me that some people experience a `sudden` lift in mood, whereas others experience a more gradual shift (especially where the illness has been severe and protracted). I know from experience that medication can take quite a while to `work` fully, and would be reluctant to alter things just now. My consultant feels the same way.
So, I suppose that I`m after some reassurance ...
... if anyone can help me out here I`d be most grateful. I`m experiencing a *real* loss of faith, and feel totally discouraged.
Please help if you can.
Thanks,
Anna.
poster:sweetmarie
thread:74612
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20010809/msgs/74612.html