Posted by Gracie2 on July 27, 2001, at 2:25:09
In reply to Re: Ultram » Kristi, posted by Elizabeth on July 26, 2001, at 23:37:39
I haven't been here for awhile and was surprised by the length of this thread. For some reason, I thought that the abuse of Ultram, which is my drug of choice, must be unusual. I guess there really is nothing new under the sun.
Be careful with that Ultram. Although it is touted as a non-opiate and non-addictive, they say the same thing about chocolate. Anyone who has stood at the kitchen counter at midnight eating Oreo after Oreo while staring at the clock, they know it's not true.
Seriously - I've had terrible problems with Ultram, it is truely my drug of choice. For someone with an addictive personality, this is quite a statement. When I'm agitated, it relaxes me. When I have insomnia, it lets me sleep. Curiously, it wipes out all desire for alcohol-
something else I tend to abuse.
Unfortunately, over the last couple of years, I've developed a massive tolerance to it. I can take so much Ultram, it reminds me of the story about the king who was afraid of being of being poisoned, so he purposely developed a tolerance to it by gradually taking larger and larger doses of poison every day. Then one day the enemy overran his castle, and the king tried to kill himself with poison before they caught and tortured him, but by that point it would have taken so much poison to kill him that there just wasn't enough around. (Wonder what a psychiatrist would make of me relating to THAT story).
Anyway, obviously, over-rating your tolerance for a drug can be lethal. It did in Marilyn Monroe and Sid Vicious and it could have killed me.
At one point, things were so bad, I was taking a heavy dose of depakote, seroquel and paxil (prescribed) and 30 or more pills of Ultram every day (unprescribed). I ended up in the hospital after having a seizure. I was so depressed that I did not care about myself, but I scared the hell out of my family and, my God, what if I had been driving? I could have killed someone.
Anyway, so here I am, after several relapses, determined to stay off the Ultam. I can't relax, I can't sleep for more than a couple of hours at a time. And let me tell you - I truely love to sleep. I'm exhausted and miserable, but I've been clean for a couple of weeks now.
You have to have the right attitude, you have to decide that you're strong enough to take the pain.
I was in the Army for a long time, and they understand this mindset. They have a running song...your heart is pounding out of your chest, your lungs are on fire, and still you're shouting as loud as you can, "One mile - no sweat! Two miles - better yet!" That kind of crap. And it works, you keep on running - full backpack, leg cramps, hangover, whatever.
So, you know, we're in withdrawal. We can take it.
Bring it on.Airborne-
Gracie
poster:Gracie2
thread:70206
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20010725/msgs/72017.html