Posted by Anna Laura on July 11, 2001, at 1:26:07
In reply to What to do after awakening??, posted by pwagg on July 9, 2001, at 14:12:33
> I was lucky. Zyprexa was the miracle drug they billed it as. It gave me back a life worth living. I found I could suddenly read and write and understand the world again after 25 years or more of psychosis...But now what? My moods go up and down wildly simply in terms of having to deal with the world that I see before me: I didn't understand how the world worked, that politically it was so evil, and at 48 I'm too old -- and physically ill -- to change it...I can't see any future for me, I feel too tired to see any future for me...And it seems like it wasn't worth it to wake up just to understand this...I LOVE being alive, yet it seems so terrible too at the same time, to have such a brilliant mind, to be able to learn so much and see so much in so short a time and yet at 48 to have had so many things pass me by that I can never do anything about...I had no adolescence, no young adulthood -- not normal at least. So what I'm asking is does anyone else recognize this dilemma, this predicament? How do you deal with it? Is there an answer?
I'm so glad to hear you had your life back!
It must be wonderful but kind of scary also: i understand you a little bit, 'cause i had micro-awakenings throughout the years (i've been depressed for more then ten years so far). Well, when i felt better i felt happy but kind of weird also: i was looking back mourning over the loss of my youth; if i was thinking about my life at that very moment i felt somehow desperate 'cause there were only heaps of rubble surrounding me: it was like having survived a war and have to rebuild everything again .
I know for sure an italian researcher who is working in the U.S. too (going back and forth) made a study about that: it's actually difficult to find his articles on the web, but you could try to get in touch with him (he speaks english for sure 'cause he has been teaching in an U.S. college). His last name is Fava. I got in touch with him with e-mail; he answered me, was very kind and he redirected me to a psychologist who's applying his methods.
I personally called a university library that send me some information sheets about this "rebuilding life"-therapy. If you can't find those information on the web i can search for his phone number/e-mail again (i used to have that but can't find it at this moment); i might look for the information sheets also (i can't recall if they were written wether in italian or in english).Wishing you good luck
Anna Laura
poster:Anna Laura
thread:69484
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20010708/msgs/69682.html