Posted by Sharon J. on October 19, 2000, at 20:20:25
In reply to Re: DOES THIS MAKE SCENTS??--Random Musings, posted by noa on October 19, 2000, at 16:26:47
Thanks for your comments, John and all. Had an interesting evening last night...went to see my therapist, and asked her to look at this whole "illness" thing with me from a psychological perspective...and we uncovered some eye-opening parallels for me. What we discovered together in the session was that I made three important steps on three different dates which involved my standing up to and confronting three men in my life who I put in "father" or "authority" roles. This is brand new for me to do this as an adult (I am now 44)... Anyway, on those exact dates, I developed first, the terrible headaches and fatigue, then the hyperosmia, and then the panic attacks, respectively. Hmm. My therapist asked me what it was like for me as a child when I was angry at my father, his reaction, my reaction, etc.....and well, he was brutally abusive both physically and emotionally as "punishment" for my standing up to him, showing anger, etc. I learned real quick that in order not to get beat up by my father, I just never got angry at him, or even disagreed. Dad's dead now, but I see now that I continue this pattern with other men. Throughout my life, I have held on tight to any feelings of anger toward men, never letting any out, and, well, I stood up for myself and got really mad at these men recently...only now, unlike when I was a child, there was no beatings or punishment at all...but my whole body and emotional state has been in "emergency" mode in preparation for it...the kid deep inside me is terrified in anticipation of being beat up...Yuk. So, I went home from her office, and at 9:30 pm last night went fast asleep. When I woke up this morning, I was feeling better! Go figure! As the day progressed I really enjoyed a new "freedom" that I haven't had before, and at time of this entry, I am much more centered and comfortable within myself than I can recall before, haven't had any more panic attacks, my head is very comfortable, and my sense of smell is just about back to the way it usually is. Hmm. I am also aware that it is also very interesting that I was having a lot of trouble adjusting to Topomax for a 2 1/2 weeks before taking these three significant steps, the onset of the terribly distressing symptomology, and that I took my last dose of Topomax on Monday morning....it's probably all out of my body by now, and today, Thursday, I feel so much better physically and emotionally. Could be both...but I'm just letting all that go for now, grateful that I am better, and that I can resume my life again. Not where I left of before I got sick on Oct. 4, but in a much different, much better space, ready to move ahead in a new way. Kind of hard to put into words. But I know what I mean. Sigh. It feels so good when it stops...I will just relish in this for now.
By the way...oh, never mind. I'll just that go, too.
poster:Sharon J.
thread:46666
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20001012/msgs/46811.html