Posted by SarahB on August 15, 2000, at 13:02:51
In reply to Re: Adult ADD/ADHD , posted by Bill3 on August 14, 2000, at 19:55:20
Hey there... I am an adult with ADD and I am also married to an ADD'er! (yes, never a dull moment!) I wanted to let you know about my experience in relationships being ADD. I went through a string of "bad" ones before I was finally diagnosed. I have a history of failing which is not uncommon for an ADD person. I have been married twice before I met my current husband and never felt satisfied until now. I know I always tended to feel that there "has to be more". It seems to be part of my ADD, that I "know" there is always something else, something maybe a bit more exciting or adventerous. It took my diagnoses and some behavior modification to relize that comfortable is actually a good thing! Another thing is that my husband is also ADD. He can tend to be a challenge and does keep me intriged. It hasn't been an easy nor fun ride the whole time, but it sure seems to be working this time. (he was the one to get me to go to the doc and find out what was "wrong" with me) I know this is rambling and choppy, but I could go on for days about this subject. I can understand your boyfriends situation and where he is coming from. It is very hard to change habits and thought processes when you are ADD. Relationships suffer, whether they are romantic, friendships, family or otherwise. It's hard to stick with one thing for more than a year or two. You tend to get "bored". Not saying that you are boring, it's just they way we are. I'm sure he loves you, but maybe needs more stimulation or time to "think" and accept his lot in life. I have finally found that ADD can be a wonderful thing, even in a relationship. We tend to be active and love to explore new places. We also have a 14 month old girl and she will certainly never want to sit for long and will always want to know "why" about everything. Is he inattentive or hyper? That makes a difference also. Inattentive types tend to be "lazy" and are happy being alone and unactive while the hyper type never want a dull moment and bore easily. I tend to go between the two and noticed in my past relationships if my mate was almost detached I was much more intriged. Of course that's not a very healty attitude, though.
Anyway, I would also suggest the book that Bill3 told you about and also "Driven to Distraction". It it a good one for adults with ADD. It really made a difference in my life. There are some good web sites also... http://www.chadd.org/50tips.htm , http://www.chadd.com/ basically the same site and it has lotsa good links to other sites...
Please feel free to drop me a line and I hope I have helped with my ramblings... I don't mean to discourage you, a relationship with an ADD'er can be a wonderful thing! Educate yourself and him and TOGETHER you can do it! Remind him it is an adventure and make sure to "pack" correctly with education and a sense of humour!! Good luck!
Sarah! :-)
poster:SarahB
thread:42692
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000811/msgs/42975.html