Re: Civility and fairness

Posted by Kath on August 15, 2000, at 8:30:16

In reply to Re: Civility and fairness » Dr. Bob, posted by Cass on August 14, 2000, at 20:03:23

Haven't been following this, but I'll share my general thoughts. I have found that talking about our OWN FEELINGS is far less inflammatory than using adjectives. Also avoiding "you" statements, "he" statements, "she" statements in airing "beefs".
For example "When you said (or when he said) '...............' I really felt hurt. I felt as it made me look stupid".
If there was a reply it could be "I'm sorry you felt hurt (if the replyee was feeling generous). I didn't mean to hurt your feelings; I just have different views about this."
As I say, I haven't been following this so I don't know how people have been talking.
Just a thought, but it seems to be working in my life. The replyee sometimes keeps their same tone so it's one-sided non-adjective use, but it does keep things from escalating. If we state our feelings, they're OURS. I think people tend to feel less defensive/attacked/unaccepted if they're hearing the other person's feelings rather than adjectives about themselves.
Caution: This method can be manipulated..."I feel as if you're being abusive" But the secret is, the "I feel" needs to have the EMOTION the person is feeling. Anyway, just a thought.
Kath
> > First, there's a difference between calling someone annoying and calling someone abusive.
>
> He was also called hurtful and disruptive. Can you elaborate on the difference between calling someone abusive and calling someone those other names?
>
> >Second, I think there's some truth to the charge >that he annoys, hurts, disrupts, etc.
>
> Yet is there no truth to the fact that calling someone annoying, hurtful and disruptive is abusive?
>
> All of this seems to stem from the fact that MisterB's opinions are a minority opinion. Why can't others be at least tolerant of his opinions? I don't agree with every thing he writes, but I still respect him, and I don't want to see him leave. Let's ALL get along. Let's all respect each other, not only those whose opinions are in the mainstream but everyone who seems to be earnest. I agree that this seems like a witch hunt, and it really makes me sad.
> Cass

Thread

Malignant Sadness - The Anatomy of Depression dj 8/9/00
...
Re: Response ... » shar misterB 8/14/00
Re: Response ...(part 2) misterB 8/14/00
Re: please be civil » misterB Dr. Bob 8/14/00
I am civil. You are way off base » Dr. Bob MisterB 8/14/00
Re: I am civil » MisterB Dr. Bob 8/14/00
Re: please be civil » Dr. Bob Cass 8/14/00
Re: civility Dr. Bob 8/14/00
Civility, Dr. Bob Cass 8/14/00
Civility and fairness Dr Bob Oddzilla 8/14/00
Re: Civility and fairness Dr. Bob 8/14/00
Re: Civility and fairness » Dr. Bob Oddzilla 8/14/00
Re: Civility and fairness » Dr. Bob Cass 8/14/00
Re: Civility and fairness Kath 8/15/00
Re: Civility and fairness Dr. Bob 8/15/00
Re: Civility and fairness Dr. Bob 8/15/00
AS THE PSYCHO BABBLES !!!!!! Oddzilla 8/15/00
Re: Civility and fairness JohnB 8/15/00
Re: AS THE PSYCHO BABBLES Dr. Bob 8/15/00
Food for Thought » Dr. Bob Snowie 8/15/00
Re: AS THE PSYCHO BABBLES !!!!!! » Oddzilla Cass 8/16/00
In the words of MissEmilyLatella.... » Oddzilla Cass 8/16/00
Re: Food for Thought Dr. Bob 8/17/00
Re: Food for Thought » Dr. Bob Snowie 8/17/00
Re: Oddzilla Billb 8/17/00
Re: Oddzilla » Billb michael 8/18/00
Re: michael Billb 8/18/00

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