Posted by Kath on August 11, 2000, at 9:18:47
In reply to New Here, Hope you Don't mind Me Asking This, posted by Dancer on August 11, 2000, at 9:04:00
Hi Dancer - You're welcome here. I think you're very very kind, understanding and compassionate. I'm sure there are lots of people here who would just about kill for someone as supportive as you in their lives!!
What I need when I'm depressed is the following: I'll use my husband as an example. I need to know that he loves me and will love me no matter what problems I'm going through, even if it is hard for him to ride them out. I need to know he doesn't understand how I feel, but wants to support me in any way he can. If I were to push him away, I'd need to know that he knew what was goig on and was NOT going to let me succeed in pushing him away; that he might need to step back from me a little sometimes to avoid getting too hurt himself, but that he did love me immensely & wouldn't abandon me. I'd want him to talk to me about these things both during a depressive episode & also when I was NOT in a depressive episode. I'd want him to let me know that he knew my behaviour was sometimes out of my own control. I'd want him to tell me that he was going to take very good care of himself his feelings so that he could be strong for me. Once I was feeling better I might want him to make me a little cake or cupcake or buy a pie & put a candle on it or draw a happy face with icing & have it be a "so glad you're feeling better" celebration.
Just a few thoughts from someone who has anxiety & sometimes what is probably mild depression (although I might be minimizing!!)
Thanks for being such a caring person....he's really lucky!!!!!!!
Warm thoughts, Kath
> Good morning everyone:
> I'll start out by saying that I'm not depressed and never have been. I'm not sure if this is the right forum for my concerns to be voiced but I just need a little advice.
> I have been in a relationship with a wonderful, kind man for 5 years. He has had major depressive episodes on and off for about 3 of those 5 years. He is trying to cope with one right now and I always feel inadequate and helpless when he goes through this. I know it is not about me but I want to be of some use to him. These episodes do put a strain on our relationship because he gets so down on himself and feels he doesn't deserve to have anyone love him and pushes me as far away as he can. Sometimes he can be very hurtful in his attempts to drive me away. I know it is just his illness doing this to him but I would like to ask the advice of you who are depressed or have come through it what I should do? I have to admit that it is very hard on me but I have a good support system to lean on. Is there anything I can do for him or for us to make these recurring episodes easier on our relationship?
> Thank you to any and all who reply
> D
poster:Kath
thread:42576
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000811/msgs/42579.html